+1+
Back to the present, this is so exhausing.
I pulled off the I-90 after driving for only thirty minutes, Rose was screaming
in the back seat, she was upset and constantly asking why we had to leave the
park so early. I turned up the radio and opened the card again, staring at the
two dates.
Rose doesn’t want to leave because Ghost!Lucie was there.
August 3rd 2008 – July 3rd 2011
One was obviously the day Rose was born but the other one. . .
Victor couldn’t possibly know the day she died. . . and even if he did it
couldn’t be so soon. Was I supposed to protect her or was he just trying to
torture me?
I
wiped a stray tear from my eyes, this was not how I wanted to spend a Sunday
afternoon. Either way I convinced myself that this was just part of his game
and I didn’t like it one bit.
Not that I had a choice.
I pulled back on the interstate trying to keep calm. I turned on some classical
music hoping it would lull Rosalie, whom had become eerily quiet, to
sleep.
Ever
so often I would peer at Rosalie in the rear view mirror , she was
naive to what was happening to her. Rose was always like that. Last summer
she had taken a terrible tumble out of Clarence's treehouse. Father thought it
was a terrible idea to take her to the hospital by the time mother and I won
the argument Rose appeared fine not realizing how badly she could have hurt
herself.
Yeah, Clara she fell out of a treehouse and was fine. That’ s normal.
I mean Clara knows something is terribly wrong but she went to the DeLune-Deny-that-you-killed-a-man-got-married-out of-wedlock-have-an-alcoholic-father-we-aren’t-broke-might-have-been-blackmailed-by-a ghost -School Of Denial.
We were on the road for a few hours,The late afternoon was dawning as I pulled
into the exit for Yale University. The campus was beautiful this time of year;
I just wished I had more time to enjoy it.
I’m actually taking out a lot of flowery prose.
I found a parking space near the street and walked with a firm grip on
Rose’s hand around campus. Classes were still in session with just the
occasional student here and there.
Despite the lack of a crowd Rose had insisted I hold her, burying her face into
my shoulder. In the bright light her large eyes almost appeared transparent I
was careful to fasten Rosalie's Ann doll in my Birkin bag so she would
not lose it. Rosalie was careful to place Ann so the doll could see out the
side of my purse.
Because
Rose associates the doll with her imaginary friend (Lucie). Also it’s creepy.
I studied each of the people we came across as wondering if one of them could
be Victor. I remember he had been a very good looking man, wouldn’t he still
want to be ? Furthermore what if he wasn't human at all ?
Once we reached the Graduate studies building I relaxed a little bit. It felt
good to be inside. Silently Rose and I made our way to Emile’s office.
I heard Emile’s laughter coming down the hall as he made a joke about
medieval torture to a colleague passing by. He slowed down when he saw us by
his office.
“Clara, what a pleasant surprise”, he said
“Maybe”, I said as he opened the door to his office.
There were a stack of papers that needed grading on his desk, along with
unopened envelopes and packages. He didn’t appear to mind at all that I had
come unannounced.
I realized that Emile didn’t realize why I was so alarmed. Joshua’s accident
would have never appeared in the Connecticut papers, I felt terrible for
ruining his good mood.
“A boy--Joshua-- was killed the other day”
I showed him the newspaper, his face became crestfallen and he did not appear
able to get past the first few words of the article
“Oh, no”, he said his bright brown eyes darkening, “I wonder what this means
for Victor“
I showed him the greeting card next and his eyes went straight to Rose who was
playing in the corner with her doll.
“Joshua’s death was an accident”, I said, “A car veered off the road, his body
was nearly severed in two.”
“I imagine Victor has found a new body, he could be anyone by now.”
“It has been almost four years, I wish he would move on.”
“He’s a sore loser”, Emile said, “If I remember correctly”
“Were you two close friends ?”
“I suppose so, I actually find it hard to believe now.”
“I’m can’t let him take my daughters life in forty days”, I whispered. Now
realizing how perfect the numbers seemed to be working out.
Not
sure if that was intentional. Did I actually count the days ? Also I'm noticing a lot of Emile. I like Emile.
“You shouldn’t have come here”, he said with a change in his tone, “He could
find you here, perhaps you should make it a bit harder for him to find
you.”
I thought about this, Rose and I went to the park every other weekend of course
he would have known to look for us there.
“I suppose I could work from home and Rose hardly leaves the house —“
“Perhaps you two should lay low till after the date. Maybe go away.”
“Go away? Where? Into the city,”
“Maybe a bit farther.”
“Emile, I have work and school I can’t just pick up and decide to leave.”
“I think you are taking this to lightly Clara, Victor still wants to take
everything from you as you did him.”
So
my original intent was not to make it seem like Emile was trying to push Clara
to where Mr. F is but he doesn’t know where he is.
“Hasn’t he already”, I said
“Clara—“,
“I never meant for Victor to. . . become a Spectre. I never meant to hurt him
just like I never meant to hurt Lucie--I”
Accidentally feel in love. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. Was what she was going to say.
No,
it was never that simple and perhaps I was not complelty innocent. There
was an uncomfortable silence between us.
I glanced over to the corner and saw the corner Rose had been playing in was
now empty. I looked around the office not seeing her anywhere, Emile
immediately got up from the desk and followed me out the office.
“Rosalie !”, I called trying to sound angry. Emile voices echoed me and
everyone in the small office began to look around as well
Hmm,
it’s almost as if she saw a familiar face in the crowd and followed it.
Emile continued to search the building while I went outside. The streets where
now bursting with students and professors. I ran through the crowd of people
looking for a flash of her bright skin or her the red hair of her doll.
I pushed against the flow of the crowd calling out her name. Emile finally
caught up to me and attempted to pull me from the crowd. I slipped out of his
grasp and around the side of the building.
I let out a deep breathe when I saw Rosalie curled up on the side of the
building, She was terrified of all the people and clutching her Ann doll.
She just bareley noticed me coming up to her, I picked her up and took
her back inside, I tried to be angry at her for making me worry.
“What were you thinking ?”, I asked her
“We were playing”, she said, “Hide and seek”
She
doesn’t mean her and the doll. FYI. She means she and Ghost!Lucie.
Although Rosalie hadn’t really grown
up an only child, it might as well have been with the separate ways she and
Clarence were raised. As a result she liked to think of Ann as a little sister
and very often ‘they’ would cause trouble together.
She’s
not talking about the doll Clara, you idiot. Okay, that was kind of harsh.
“Clara”, said Emile coming up behind me, “I’m serious about laying low”
“No, Emile”, I said rather stern. He didn’t understand what disappearing again
would do to my family..
“Fine, but at least stay in town for the night and we can figure this out in
the morning.”
Suddenly the five hour drive back home didn't look so promising.
Emile
you need to start charging these people for the night.
“Is it alright if we stay with you ?”
Usually when Rose and I visited we stayed in a hotel, Emile’s apartment was far
from toddler-proof, but Rose was getting older and I wanted to be in familiar
company.
“Sure, I just need to finish up here.” he seemed elated to have company.
Emile’s
so lonely ):
Rose and I decided to take a walk around campus while Emile worked, I had a
tighter grasp on her hand while cradling my cell phone to my ear.
“Clara where are you ?”, Mother picked up on the first ring.
“I just wanted to let you know Rosalie and I will be spending the night with my
friend in New Haven.”
Oh, SH !
Present!LiLe : I did these apart so I kept forgetting I already pointed out New Haven
"Are you sure that's a good idea ?"
"Yes, Mother . Please don't worry about me. I don't want you to ever. . . worry"
“This
is awfully sudden. . . you didn’t even pack anything. Is this about your father
? Clara you know he has a temper.”
“Yes, Mother I know he has a temper, I know I should be patient. I know”
So, Clara and her mother are doing the classic DeLune School of Denial’s let's ignore that your father is abusive thing here.
“You also have classes to teach in the morning”
“I should be back in time, I have to go”
“Okay, love you Clarabelle”
“I love you too, Mother”
I never made it to classes that morning.
+++
“It’s been a while so don’t judge”, said Emile as he slid the key into the
door.
Emile had lived by himself for quite sometime so I was careful not to hold his
apartment against him. It was a charming two bedroom apartment with a patio and
beautiful kitchen. A few years ago he had converted his home office into
another bedroom that I gathered he stayed in.
Being a Medieval history professor Emile had an entire wall devoted to his
collection of medieval art prints, replicas of medieval artifacts and others
odd things. I was careful to remind Rose not to touch anything but I knew by
the end of the night something would be broken if she didn't get her way
I
can’t remember if this happens but I wanted this shelf to be full of things Mr.
F sent to Emile and for Rosalie or Clara to fall into it. CONNECTIONS.
“So”, I said taking a seat next to him, “If I did decide go away for a while. .
.would you come with me ?”
“I have too many speaking engagements . . . it would look suspicious if I just
up and left”
“And it wouldn’t if I did ?”
“Beautiful young heiress who lives with her overbearing parents ? It wouldn’t
look strange at all.”
I agreed with Emile, but wasn’t ready to admit that I was not ready to be
completely alone with my daughter for a long period of time. Nanny Ella, my
mother or my sisters were always there to help when Rose became to much to
handle.
Emile and I sat on his couch mostly in silence. I kept staring at the greeting
card in my hands expecting something to happen.
Emile
let met cook dinner for him which given the contents of his kitchen was a
couple of cans of chicken soup. Rose had remained quiet since her disappearing
act, though Emile tried to goad her into playing with him.
After dinner Emile ran some of his lecture on Tudor England to me, I could only
nod and agree though my expertise only ranged as far as the works of
Thomas Tallis.
Wow,
these people are so edumicated.
Present LiLe : Did I really manage to work Tallis into TWO serials ?
It wasn’t till I finished cleaning the kitchen that I realized how tired I was.
I hadn't gotten much sleep the previous night and had been running on pure
adrenaline since driving to New Haven.
“We’ll talk in the morning, okay Emile”
“Sure, good night”
Emile’s spare bedroom was rather depressing,the walls were a peaceful gray the
only piece of furniture was a queen sized bed, a wicker nightstand and an
antique dresser with a impressively large and somewhat gaudy gold mirror
sitting atop of it.
Emile : OMG, I didn’t move ?
LiLe : It’s a condo ?
The mirror was so large I couldn't take my eye off of it, it was eerie the way it seemed to reflect the entire room like an odd bar trick.
Rose complained about having to sleep in her clothes and I actually tried
reasoning with a three year old, telling her that she slept in her clothes
when she took naps.
I walked over to the mirror pulling my hair up, most of my overly done
make up had rubbed off during the day, I slipped off my shirt using it to wipe
the rest of the heavy makeup away.
I had been in a clinic in Italy when I first took off my bandages. I had been afraid
of what I was going to see underneath them, knowing I would have to live with
it forever. I cried at first because there was still so much dried blood and
bruising.
However as time went on it became more tolerable, but whenever I looked in the
mirror there was always that small yearning for what used to be.
After a quick shower I laid next to Rose stroking her hair for a while and
watching the slight rise and fall of her breath. She was somewhere between
wanting to stay awake and falling asleep.
“Want to read a little bit ?”, I asked turning another light on.
She
nodded and tucked her doll in between us.
I reached over and shuffled around in my school bag till I pulled out the
book we had been reading , a pink ribbon had become the unofficial bookmark. I
slid under the covers and pulled her close, her eyes already starting to fall.
Awwww (:
Double awww because they are in the same room Mr. F was in 4 years ago.
+2+
I was awake
I didn’t remember waking up, yet there I was sitting up with my feet hovering
just above the ground.
Had I gotten up to do something and forgot ? When had I turned the lights off.
The clock beside the bed blinked 12:00. I reached for my cell phone but couldn’t
find it in the dark
I turned on the light next to the bed expecting things to suddenly make
sense, instead it just cast a strange shadow. I placed a foot on the ground and
touched something soft.
Below my foot was a red string that lead from the bedside and disappeared out
the door. I put another foot down and followed the string to the door where it
continued down the hall and around the corner. I followed the red string
path into the living room.
“Oh, God”
The trail stopped in the living room where the string was hanging from the
ceiling fan with Raggedy Ann hanging from a noose around her neck, made from
her own red yarn hair.
Oh,
hmm hanging by the neck by one’s hair. Let’s hope that doesn’t come back.
Terrified, I backed into a shelf behind me, a few books and statues fell to the
floor, thankfully only one vase broke. I tried to fix everything else on the
shelf and finally got the nerve to approach the doll. Its cloth feet dangled
back in forth.
Oh, there it is.
I hesitated to touch it, mesmerized by the free motion of its legs. That certainly wasn't normal, was it ? I watched as the Ann doll continued to sway and the fan began to slowly move. I ripped the doll down from the fan, gathering up all the yarn from the floor. Just holding the doll felt different.
I needed to get rid of it.
Quickly
I stuffed the doll into a garbage bag.
I knocked on Emile’s door.
“He’s going to kill her”, I said, “he’s really going to kill her”
Right.
Okay so Victor is trying to get Clara and Mr. F together because he wants them to kill each other. So
he “hangs” Rose’s doll to scare Clara into hiding.
Emile held on tightly to me, I could not stand to lose anyone else. Not again.
+++
The next morning Rose searched all over the apartment for Ann. I was afraid she
would come close to finding the doll so I threw the trash bag into dumpster o.
I briefly wondered if I should make sure the doll was still in there but I was
fairly certain it was. Rosalie continued to bother both Emile and I about where
Ann was, until Emile had agreed to go to town to secretly find another
one.
I sat at the counter trying to recall when exactly Rose had gotten the doll. My
mother occasionally liked to buy her things or maybe it had belonged to one of
my sisters when we were young. I was certain it wasn't purchased before she was
born.
Because
Clara thought she was having a boy but more on that later.
“Mommy, where’s Mr. Emile ?”, Rose asked while I poured her cereal for her.
“hmm, I don’t know”, I said
“Did he take Ann ?”
“I don’t think so”
I tried to change the subject, another impossible thing to do with a child,
especially one as keen as Rose. Besides there was nothing else we could really
talk about.
“Mommy”, she said rather sternly, “Where’s Ann”
Clara : Omg, she is so annoying
LiLe: um ?
Clara
: What ?
“She’s probably hiding”, I said which wasn’t altogether untrue.
That answer however didn’t satisfy Rose, she kept chanting almost yelling
at me demanding to know what I had done with Ann. I ignored her resting my face
against my hands. I hadn’t gotten two hours of tortured sleep to deal
with a screaming child
Rose
and Clara really have more of a sister vibe than mother/daughter.
I felt a rush of cold across my lap
and then a crash. I opened my eyes to see Rose was having a tantrum and had
pushed my breakfast into my lap The milk seeped through the only pair of
clothes I had. The cereal was spread on the floor. every glass on the counter
had been pushed over and she continued to scream and cry.
Hmmmm,
Rosalie doesn’t have a bowl. Almost like she doesn't eat.
“Rosalie”, I scolded her, though I
was more concerned about Emile inviting me back to his house.
I hurried to clean up the mess before Emile came back; the milk had already
leaked into the living room carpet. I had barley begun scrubbing the stain when
Emile came through the door laughing at the mess his kitchen had been turned
into.
“Sorry”, I apologized before he could speak
“I guess I came back just in time.”, he produced a nearly identical Raggedy Ann
doll to the one I'd thrown out from behind his jacket.
“Thanks”, I decided to hold the doll hostage till Rose apologized.
“No problem, it was nice not sitting in my office listening to students beg to
get into summer classes.”
This doll’s big smile, Rosy cheeks and triangle nose didn’t frighten me as much
as the other one had last night.
“Do you know what you’re going to do ?”, Emile asked
“I think Rose and I should visit my Grandparents for a while.”
“What?”, Emile said
You mean the dead ones
“My other grandparents”, I clarified, “In Italy”
You
mean the other dead ones
“So you’re going to Europe. . .”
“Yes, why?”
“Well I may be up there for that lecture, you should come listen.”
“Sure, Maybe”
“Hey”, he warped his hand around mine, “It’s only 39 days then this will all be
over.”
“I’m afraid of what’s going to happen at the end of those thirty nine days.”
"We won't let anything happen to her", he said
" I know. . . we'll probably leave this evening"
It hadn't taken me long to decide to leave after the incident with the doll. A small part of me wondered if that was how Victor wanted things. Rosalie, the only thing I had left. Dead.
+++
“You’re going where ?”, my mother’s
voice yelledd on the other end of the phone
“Just to visit Mama Elena and Papa”, I made it sound as if I were taking a trip
down the block.
“But you didn’t pack anything—“
“We went shopping, but you can still send a few other things.”
“Clarabelle your father isn’t upset anymore.”
“I know Mother, but he will be again. We are just taking a little vacation you
know how tense things can be. There is no need to alarm anyone.”
“Oh, Clara you are going to be the death of me”
Funny
you mention that.
I ended the conversation amicably with my mother as the cab turned into the
busy JFK airport. I had left my car at Emile’s hoping that Victor would figure
we were still in New Haven.
Before we left the apartment Rose and Ann were reunited. Emile had told
her a rather lengthy and detailed story about how Ann had taken a ride in the
washing machine and the adventure she had getting out. I later praised Emile on
his imagination and promised to get around to reading one of his books.
Emile : I’ve known her for FOUR years and she hasn’t read my books ?
Clara : I’ve been taking care of an evil little girl
Emile : Yeah ? Well I’ve been keeping two very big secr—
LiLe
: Seriously
We had taken the cab to New York City with a quick stop by my family’s bank to
get our passports out of my safety deposit box. Rose insisted I hold her the
whole time. It wasn’t until we settled into the quiet terminal of Kennedy
airport that she finally let me put her down.
For some reason I still had that terrible greeting card from Victor. I studied the strong curve of his penmanship and the harsh abruptness of his words. I carefully ripped the card in two; just to prove that it was just paper then I tossed it in the trash.
Wow, she went into some detail on his handwriting.
Though
they were just a phone call away I felt so very far away from my family. It had
been years since I would even venture out this far alone.
I heard Rose giggling and watched as she danced with her new Ann around the
bench, lost in her own adventure entirely naive to everything.
Ms. 3 : Uh, LiLe so now Clara is being further punished by having a misbehaved child. Look you are villinzing her by making her not very maternal.
LiLe : Am I ?
http://lindaleighblog.blogspot.com/2010/10/joel-erik-so-i-have-this-nifty-software.html#more