Part One
I lay in my chair as I had done half the day, staring at the door waiting for someone to come in. A part of me wished Severine would come back in and I could redo the entire event. I reached for a cigarette from the counter, blowing smoke into the broken smoke detector.
“You might as well go home”, said Judson from his office
I turned my heads toward the door and lit another cigarette and gave him what my mother called a shit-eating grin. I was going to stay here till she begged me to come home.
By time the sun began to fall and I had run out of cigarettes and Judson had proven to be less than adequate conversation, I began to walk out and felt something crunch beneath my boots. I reached down and picked up plastic button.
I’d have to get
+++
I had done this a million times when I was in school; I mean it was just a needle. I could certainly see the appeal, it was shiny, smooth and the promise of an amazing high. . .I could see the temptation.
I had gotten home hours ago to find the apartment empty. Tomas was probably visiting friends or perhaps got called into work. I thought of other irrational places he could be yet somehow my thoughts wandered back to Severine.
The attraction was understandable, Severine was beautiful, young and powerful. I couldn’t count the times I caught severine sneaking guys into the house when we were in high school, but this was low even for her. I’d forgive her of course but the fact that she lied about it.
I remember tomas had given me something on our wedding night, what was that he had said ?
There are a lot of
things we shouldn’t do
The vein in my wrist seemed to be throbbing from the anticipation. After all
how many wrong things had I done in my life ? My mother would have encouraged
new experiences. I couldn’t hold on to being that 14 year old girl who clung to
the idea of a family for so long.
I bit my lip lightly as the needle pierced my skin, expecting to see blood I pushed the syringe down. The thrill of it alone caused an unexpected high. It hadn’t made the thought of my sister kissing my husband any better but I would give it time. A warm flush went through my body, this I could handle
Maybe time was all I needed.
+++
Music.
I heard the faint sound of pulse pounding music coming from the apartment.
“The Hell ?”, I said to myself creaking the door open
It was dark and from what I could tell empty. I carefully
closed the door when I felt someone kiss my neck. I turned around to see
“You scared me”, I said
“I know”, she replies wrapping her arms around my neck it was very. . .Severineish, “I was hiding from you”
Each word she spoke bough her lips closer to mine, the space between us closing slowly, this was very unlike her.
“I know why you are doing this-“
“No you don’t” she interrupted touching my lips with her fingertips.
I pulled away from her grasp which was considering how beautiful she looked and her new found infatuation with me. I turned the closest light on and bought her face close to mine.
Empty dialted eyes looked back at me.
“What did you do ?”
“soothing my pain. . ”, she said in an unuaslly seductive voice
I grabbed her by her writs and dragged her over to the bed and knelt infront of her. The grip I had on her wrist tightening. She didn’t know what she wanted.
“What the hell is the matter with you ?”, I yelled at her
“Stop it”, she said trying to push me away. Her skin was flushed but somehow I wanted to hear more regret, “ I have just as much right as you do, don’t I ?”
“Sof-“
“No you listen… I’m. . .making a descion for myself. Everything in my life has been a punishment; losing my mother, getting hurt, being raped, God, I was flunking college before I had to drop out. . . this is good. . .this makes. . .made. . .is making me feel good.”
I let her hands go wondering if she’d be the same person in the morning. For now I Settled at not looking at her. She reached her arms around my neck the smell of pure white ectsay on her finger tips was to much.
I took one of her fingers into my mouth it burned my body for now it soother our souls.
End of section 2