“Get up, Jackass”
I ignored the friendly wake-up call, squeezing my eyes tight hoping that when I opened them I wouldn’t be squished in the back of black Lincoln Navigator making its way down the River District.
A kick to ankle causes me to open my eyes and I’m exactly where I didn’t want to be. Dante eyes me from the driver’s seat just waiting for an excuse to call me a jackass again. I’m lucky to have a window seat and I can just count the blocks till I’m home.
“Betcha can’t wait to get home to ya Mama”, mocks Dante from the front seat, “Less ya mother got company”
I ignore him waiting for this sick car pool to be over. When the car rumbles to a stop, I’m home.
The Former Sleep-Away motel.
Owned by the one and only Slumlord Victor Caradie, when the motel business went south the Sleep-Away motel became Caradie Apartment Homes. New name same crappy motel rooms, but you can’t beat the rent even for the River District.
I can’t get out of the car fast enough, but before I turn to leave I motion to Dante to roll down the window.
“My cut?”, I ask
Dante gives me this look, like he expected me to forget, he always expects me to forget. He gets out the car and I’m hoping he’s not gearing up for a employer-employee talks He’s over 6 feet tall with white hair and a youthful face that’s charmed many of the River Districst finest.
I brace myself for fight but he reaches into his pocket and tosses a dime bag at me. I let it hit the hot cement and back away from the car. When the car turns down the street I pick it up stuff it down my boots and head home.
+++
The walk up to the third floor seems harder today, It probably has something to do with the fact that it’s a record 100 degrees and close to midnight. It also doesn’t help that I’m wearing boots, in any other place I’d look like an idiot. The window to 3B is cracked and the blinds are halfway turned. I peek through the window but there isn’t much to see so I move onto the door.
Knock knock knock
I wait and then knock again. I hear the creek of bed springs and the locks turn. She doesn’t even bother to open the door so I do, cautiously, once I hear the bed springs again.
The one room apartment seems smaller in with all the lights down low. The only furniture in the room is a kitchen table with a bowl of tomato soup and green tea on it and a bed that years ago probably folded in to the wall..
The cleanliness of the place alone proves that my mother doesn’t live here, I just pray that Dante never learns that. I sit down at the kitchen table, the soup is warm and so is the tea. Except for a fly buzzing around the lamp my only entertainment is the woman lying on the bed.
It’s like I’m not even in the room, just her and her books. She occasionally shifts her position, her long dark hair in perfect curls framing her dark green eyes. She’s barely wearing the thin dress covering her body thanks to the heat wave
My beautiful virgin bride, there was no way in hell I was telling Dante about her.
I somehow manage to pry my eyes away from her and turn on the radio, hoping for some slow song that will lull us both to sleep. I carry the radio over to the bedside kicking off my boots and unnecessary clothing.
She me watches me retrieve the dime bag from inside my shoe and get high, still not making a sound. I motion for her to come closer and she places her body on top of mine, those long legs straddling my waist. She kisses me but I know she only wants one thing and it’s not in my pants.
I want to say watching a her take a blow off my chest is a turn on, but it’s not. There is some twisted security in being her dug dealer, a bond much stronger than marriage.
+++
The next morning felt numb, but the sun was still shining through the window. I turned my head and stare at the empty space next to me. Something didn’t feel right. I managed to get out of bed tripping over my boots I looked out the window.
The bank across the street;’s neon sign is flashing 4pm. I had slept for over 12 hours.
Shit, I was late for work
Why hadn’t Dante come for me ?
Throwing on a pair of jeans and shirt I ran to Mr. Caradie’s office. He was sitting behind his desk counting money.
“Mr. Caradue, I need to borrow your car”, I said catching my breath
“And I need last months rent”, he said shoving me out the door
I gave the door a quick kick and didn’t think twice before I started hot-wiring Caradies’s old Chevrolet sitting out front. Ten minutes later I pulled up in front o f Dante’s Mechanics Plus. A few guys were out front working on cars, while a bored family sat in the waiting room.
I tried no to look at them as I made my way to Dante’s office. I could hear the classic music coming from the door followed by a long trail of smoke.
“Come in”, the cameras had given away my position
This was the first time I had been in Dante’s office. Somehow I expected it to be like one of the circles of hell but it was actually classy. He was sitting behind a large oak desk smoking a cigar. A woman was sitting on his desk, He name “Lolli”, dangled from her eariing she winked at me.
“Do I pay you well, Tomas ?”, I guess he was just going to get to the point.
“Yes”, I replied watching his hands.
“I keep you safe ?”
I nodded
“And all I ask is that you never miss a detail, do you think shipments deliver themselves?”
I assume it a rhetorical question, Lolli slides off the desk and urges me to sit down before flitting out of the room.
“My brother’s only son”, contiues Dante, “it’s a good thing you’re family.. and I am good to family.
“Yes, Uncle ?”, I say using a somewhat pet name hoping to get on his good side.
“you know what I like about you Tomas ? You don’t have a record and you have a pretty face. . .of course that’s what your father liked about you too”
I let my frustration pass by me like a wave, knowing that Dante was up to something.
“Anyway”, he continues, “I was able to make up for your lack of sales today by selling you lazy ass”
“Sell me ?”, I questions him, “you can’t sell people, uncle”
“Well, you can take that up with Virgo”, He reaches under his desk and pulls out a pale silver gun, he points it right at me then tosses it at my feet, “you’re in a whole new ballgame now”
I figure that’s my cue to go but the door is blocked by Lolli and three of Dante’s body guards. I didn’t think I was going to get out without a scratch.
+++
“Are you going to tell me how this happened ?”, she ask running a white-tip nail down my spine.”
“I was mugged”, I lied turning over so she could finish taking care of my other wounds
“you don’t have any money”,
I decide to ignore that question, knowing I was going to eventually have to tell her about the Spirits, silver guns and Virgo.
Virgo Sun had arrived in the River District a few years ago, saying he was fresh from a reservation that I assumed really meant prison. The Spirits were his family but in essence they were a gang and notorious at it; and now I was one of them.
“
“Yes, Love”, she’s expecting me to tell her why I dragged myself in 2 hours late with the shit beatean out of me.
“I lost my Job”, that was partially true, although she thought I worked as a mechanic
“Should I take some time off school ?”
“No, you shouldn’t . . .maybe you should take some time to smooth things over with Angeline”
She’s thinking about it but I’m not really sure what’s going through her mind. The kettle on the stove whistles and she goes to make her tea, still thinking
“Isn’t it a bit warm for tea”, I ask
“It’ll make you feel better”
She places a few ice cubes in the mug and brings it over to me. I wish there was more furniture in this apartment always sitting in bed made every conversation seem more intimate. We had been married for almost 6 months most of which was spent apart.
I was still getting used to her soft touch, waking up in bed with her next to me or the other countless subtle changes in my life.
“Now”, she said, “I can take a break from school and start working full time to cover the rent”
“actually, Dante has found me work elsewhere. In a different sort of industry”
“really”
“I’ve sort of been roped into something, the Spirits to be more exact”
She seemed to recognize the name, she was a receptionist at the county hospital and had probably seen a few hundred of their victims go through the ER
“Those murders ?”, she questioned, “you want to kill people ?”
“God, No”, I explained, “I don’t really have a choice but it’s not as bad as it sounds”
She looks scared and she should be, I was turning into a monster
“Tom-“
“listen, it is more than that. I run a few errands for them and they pay very well and they are like family and there are other girlfri-“
“I’m not some girlfriend, I don’t want this for us. Let’s just get out of here”
“I have to think of my mother, if I don’t show up who knows what they’ll do to her”
I know the only way to end this conversation is to get out but I don’t where I’m going to go with Mr. Caradie threating to send me to jail for stealing his car. I make an attempt for the door but somehow end up pouring the tea down the sink and getting a coke out the fridge.
I remember growing up jealous of all the children of gang members. They had an unusual closeness to each other that came with a rivalry.
On this side of town we were all suffering but they seemed to be a step above. Some of them even went to school in Petal Brook and seemed to fit in just fine. An odd thought went through my head.
What if I could give my children that type of life, not that we were planning on anything.
“Let’s go out for dinner”, said
“Not now, Love. It’s got to be at least 100 degrees outside”
“We’ll sit in the shade”, she wants to talk about this some more
“We’ll pass out on the way there”
There is a bottle of what I hope is asprin sitting next to the sink. I wonder if it will help the pain. I glance over the bottle; nausea, heart burn and soreness
Nothing about getting the shit kicked out of you
I take a handful and see she’s still standing by the closet with the basket in her hands. Taking a seat at the kitchen table I turn the radio on. Thank God for sports.
“I’m not stupid, you know”, she’s really upset over this now, “you don’t know anything cars, you spend all day getting high and running drugs across state lines. Don’t you want something better for yourself ?”
I do, but for right now I settle for turning the volume up.
+++
It feels like a scene from my childhood and it makes me feel disgusting. I’m still sitting at the kitchen table listening to sports and watching my pretty woman make dinner. Of course her idea of cooking is throwing a jar of sauce in the microwave and watch water boil.
Instead of wondering how my mother manages with a baby inside her and my father’s raised hand, I’m wondering how she can walk around in those heels and why she can’t hike that skirt up a few more inches.
“Alright, Love ?”
She doesn’t answer but has her hand dangling a few inches from the water’s surface, getting closer to the scalding water. I snatch her hand out of the way and she jumps like she forgot I was there.
“I’m just a little tired”, she explains
And even though I believe her I can not now bring myself to let go of her hand. I can’t remember the last time I held her hand.
“I have to finish this”, she says
Before I let go I bring her hand to my lips placing small kisses on her knuckles. She takes he hand away, slowly, and continues to make dinner.
Sometimes I feel like these small intimate moments are all we have left.
+++
I don’t know what I expected the first day I pulled up to the Spirits headquarters, it certainly wasn’t like The Godfather.
They resided on the
I never met Virgo that first day but quickly fell into a pattern. Since I didn’t have a record I was expected to do small things like shoplifting, pick pocketing and driving trucks filled with God-knows-what across state lines. Somehow the 2,000 dollars a day made it all worth it. Most if though went back to my dealer.
Late nights ,however, were something completely different.
Chapter 2
I kicked the door again, hoping that the old locks will give out. We have a routine to make up for the fact that there isn’t a key to the apartment.
I get up first make breakfast and head off to school and
make sure the door is locked. I imagine he wakes up as soon as the door closes
and leaves the locks open. After school I work the front desk at
If one of us is sleeping we lock the door, if we are both home we lock the doors, it was simple.
The system had worked for the 3 weeks we lived here and by some luck of the draw I was locked out during a record heat wave. There is never anything to do in what I still consider Petal Brooke but everyone else considered the River District. I was still in my work clothes; a bright orange baby doll dress and tan heels, my scrubs from school stuffed in my bag.
I could takes some time and visit Severine and Paige but I was worried about Tomas and his new job. He said all he ever did was deliver packages or work on some finances, nothing dangerous, but sometimes he still sees me as some poor little rich girl.
I dug through the bottom of my bag to retrieve the cell phone Angeline had given me and I hadn’t gotten around to telling Tomas about. No missed calls but Severine had left a text-invitation about a party at her new condo. I texted her back saying I had exams, which I did.
I took refuge from the heat wave underneath a tree out front. Sure sitting outside in this part of town wasn’t the safest thing but I didn’t want to deal with Mr. Caradie alone. I had a feeling he was somewhat keen on Tomas.
I didn’t know much about the Spirits so I asked around at work, I told them I was doing research. All I found out was that they were close and apparently dangerous. A few of the women down at the salon I went to were seeing some members, they were all beautiful and well taken care of.
I started drawing lines in sannd which a month ago must have been grass.
“
I don’t look up at the sound of his voice but shout back
“Yes, Love ?”
“What are you doing out here”
“The doors locked”
He is still wearing his boots and steps right on the lands I’m drawing. A closer look and the toes are have flecks of red stain on them, I can make out the outline of a gun holster underneath his jeans
Dangerous
He kneels down and picks me up, he stumbles a little because of all the books I have and carries me up the stairs.
“Careful”, I warn the thought of falling on hot pavement doesn’t seem like a good end to the day.
When we get to the third floor he sets me down on the ground and begins to pick the lock. I try not to look at his shoes.
“Hold on”, he says picking me up again and carrying me into the apartment. I drop my books down at the door, so I don’t forget them tomorrow.
“Put me down”, I tell him
“I’ll need a kiss first”
I give him a kiss and he lets me down letting one hand casually slip up my dress. I wonder if he will talk about what he has been up to but he throws himself on the bed and starts counting a set of cash.
I quickly change out of my work clothes and into a Petal Brooke High t-shirt and shorts, but once I’ve scrubbed all the make-up he is already taking a nap. I take a closer look at the boots on the floor, wondering how easily they will come clean this time. I hadn’t braved google-ing how to clean blood at the library yet, although I’m sure it been done plenty of times.
Soapy water and silverware polish seem do the job just fine. Once they are clean and back in place I scribble a note about going to a study session and head out.
School is like my home away from life. I hadn’t quiet
settled into the idea that the apartment was my home yet but school was
familiar.
I started learning what those words nurses had used around me meant and they offered me free counseling to deal with darker parts of my past. Friday afterrnon certainly wasn’t prime study hours but I needed air conditioning.
I settled into the Petal Brooke Libaray Café and ordered a strawberry smoothie. Parson, the friendly barista seemed distracted today, usually he tried to ask me out 6 times before I paid and reminede him that I was married.
“It’s crazy isn’t it ?”, he said shaking my change in his hand
“I don’t think I’ve heard this pick up line from you before”
“No”, he continued, “those cops”
“What cops”, I really missed having a TV
“Some NARCS raided some gang HQ across the river, don’t look like none of them made it”
“That’s. . .”
“It’s shit like this why I wanna work in criminal justice. . .excuse my language”
“It’s okay. . .did it happen to say which gang ?”
He shook his head and started to make my smoothie. I imagine he might have known some of the officers. Like me Parson lived in his education. Visting court rooms, cops and judges trying to get a feel for his passion. I always felt he deserved better than PBCC.
I know I should go back and figure out if Tomas has anything to do with this, he did seem more tired that usual and the staind had come out of his shoes too easily as if they were fresh. This wasn’t a time for me to throw myself into work but I did.
I left minutes before the libaray closed using Angeline’s credit card, which I should have thrown out moths ago, to get a taxi back home. I realize that I forgot to get dinner, not that that should be my main concern. lock is busted so the door just swings against the latch.
Thankfully I’d forgotten to lock the door an dwalk in without making noise. Tomas is curled up bed deep asleep. A few bottles of cold medicine are by his bedside and I don’t see a recipt.
“Tomas”, I shake him a bit, “the door won’t lock,”
He mumbles incoherently, clearly in another world.
+++
I write him little notes all the time but this one requires a bigger sheet of paper. I’ve jumped ahead and signed my name and trying to figure out where the best place to put it would be.
I jump when the door opens, like I’m doing something wrong
“Hey”, he says throwing his t-shirt on the ground and heading to the shower.
I look out the window and see a black jetta is still parked outside. I grab my make up while the shower is running, leaving the my cellphone on the table.
“
Not fast enough
“Yes”, his hair is still wet with only a towl around his waist.
“Why is all your shit gone ?”, he ask
“I’m going to visit Angeline”, that was the truth