I sit on the edge of the couch and watched her, eyes closed perfectly at rest not accusing me of anything or shoving pills down my throat and complaining about how she wants to shop at overpriced grocery stores. I would miss this.
“Vodka ?”
She stirs
She smells it on my breath but I know she’s a little out it after chewing on a few Valium. She reaches for her blanket but it’s in the laundry basket, I’m tempted to get it for her but it’s hard to think lewd thoughts if she’s covered up.
I unfortunately know better than to act out my fantasies.
I take her blanket down with me to the laundry room, throwing it in the dryer for a few minutes. When I get back it’s like the short little night gowns she likes to wear has gotten shorter and it kills me to think—even for a second--- that maybe she seduced this man who supposedly hurt her.
I start to light a cigarette when the lighter slips out my hand and by her leg, I don’t even think when I reach for it.
“What are you doing”, she starts waking up
“Nothing, I dropped my lighter”
It wasn’t actually my lighter but a pack of spares I had purchased since misplacing mine.
“Convenient”, she finds the lighter and hands it to me
“Believe me it’s not like that”
“What does that mean?”
“It’s just hard to be attracted to someone with so many issues”, I give honesty a try
“Okay…”,she doesn’t cry but know she is upset
“Shit, don’t cry. Look come sleep with me, okay ?”
“No, I like it here where my issues can’t bother you”
“Here”, I toss a handful of pills at her, “you’re going to need those”