http://lindaleighblog.blogspot.com/2009/09/big-post.html
@butterfly_wings - Cause LiLe was already writing about hot Italian Princes
Also "My Plan" for section four makes no sense to me.
+1+
Fun fact. I saved over this chapter when I started doing this so I’ve actually marked this one up after doing the entire thing. So. . . yeah.
“I’m just so frustrated, I mean last week I was mugged and then I got evicted from my apartment all while trying to be a full time student speaking of which if I get even below a 3.4 I lost my scholarship And the thing is I’m afraid to sleep everything reminds me of what happened, I shouldn’t fell like a victim all the time. Anyway it’s almost mid-terms and I’ve been pulling all nighters and can’t seem to get to sleep, I just need to be able to handle things and the worst part is right now when I should be worried about my health all I can think about is the term paper I have due
I move my hair out of my face to let the doctor see my still visible bruises, but still keep my head down.
“Is there anything you can give me”, I finish
The doctor is young and judging by her armful of cause-bands and HRU alumni pin, she would find someway to empathize with me.
“Well”, she has a southern accent, “have you considered trying things like yoga, relaxing music-“
“I don’t have time for that, I don’t know why I thought you could help. I’m sorry to waste you’re time”
She twist the end of her pen in her mouth and I hope she is thinking what I want her to, a quick scribbling of her pen confirms it.
“I’m going to prescribe you valium—“
“I don’t know, I mean I heard it was pretty strong, maybe I should cut them in half”
She
is playing dumb because she is already taken 2-3 a day. She is being tricky here.
“I wouldn’t suggest it but it should help the anxiety and hopefully you will get some sleep, I know midterms can be tough”
She smiles and winks because she’s done her job and helped someone feel better.
“Thank you, doctor. I hope this helps."
I pick my book bag up from the floor and take the prescription. A short walk down the hall to the pharmacy and have a full bottle in hand.
Maybe it was something about waking up to Tomas telling me he was leaving or watching him get into the cab and suddenly a million crazy thoughts were going through my head involving everything from plane crashes to civil wars. Or maybe it was the thought of 2 weeks alone? Whatever is was I left first thing in the morning and headed to the HRU Student clinic.
The fact is he was gone
Again
But not in that way.
I indulged a little and took a cab to the Central Park West address that Adam had given me the other day. He told me he would meet me in-between 101st and 102nd street to see the apartment. I didn’t know much about the area but judging by the great view of the park and it’s proximity to the world famous Dakota Hotel I seriously thought he was playing a joke on me.
“Hey, Sofia”
“Hi”
He gives me a look and I remember that I hadn’t had a chance to cover my bruises up again, it was strange I had just gotten used to them.
“Your face”
I’m fine. You on the other hand must be crazy I can’t afford anyplace around here”
“I know”, he looks guilty but it’s kind of . . .cute ?
“Really”, I take another look around
“Okay . . .Maybe this was my way of getting you to come to the park with me, unless-“
“He’s out of town, actually”
“Oh, well I guess I’ll have to keep you company”
“I guess you do”
We walk around the park for a few minutes and even though the sun is out it’s still a little chilly so we decide to head to Starbucks and not to just any Starbucks, the Starbucks.
The one where they met
“Look, I think I can still see were my tea stained the floor”, I said as we sat down
“Very funny, so how are things for the Alexanders ?”
“I actually want to talk to you about what happened. I wasn’t mugged”
“He hit you then”
“No, he would never”
And he doesn’t. So points for Tom ?
I went in and told him the whole story, he listened and I realized that once again I was dumping my entire sob story on him.
“Why didn’t you tell me the truth?”, he ask once I’m done
“I don’t know, I didn’t want you to think I was completely helpless or that I attract bad things”
“You attracted me; I’d like to think I’m pretty good”
Hmmm, Adam I might have to give you that line. Maybe.
“And how do you know that I wasn’t attracted to you?” I ask playing along
“That’s right, you ran into me”
Flirty Flirty !
“I did not”, I said defensively even though I knew he was kidding
“Well, Julia would kill me if she found out I didn’t ask you but we are going to Atlantic City for the weekend and she wanted me to invite you and Severine.”
Guys, I’m about to lose my fluff-writing mind.
“Why?” I barley knew her.
“She likes you and whenever we go anywhere she is tired of being the only girl”
“Do you want me to go?” I asked
“Yes, Sofia I want you to come”
Even after hearing that I couldn’t be sure, it wasn’t like I had any other plans but Tomas and I had been getting along better lately but who knew what would happen once we moved out of Severine’s. Could things just go back to the way they were? What did I want to do?
“What are you thinking about?” he ask
“I’ve never been to Atlantic City”
“Is that a yes?”
“Yes”,
He pulls out a newspaper and puts it on the table.
“I should let you do your apartment searching”
“I think I’d rather go take a nap”
“I’ll walk you to the subway then”
“Fine”
We both squeeze out the door, our hands touch briefly and we let our pinkies cross, once we are a little further down the block it’s not until I reach the subway that I realize we are holding hands. I’m sure it meant nothing but considering the circumstances, I was holding on for dear life.
Sorry Adam, Sofia gets the good one-liner in this one.
+2+
So later on I have a problem with going into way to much DEPTH. I was super tempted to write back and forth chapters about what Tom was up in Lithuania but I couldn’t get the write feel or tone for it. So I stuck with overgeneralizations that didn't do much justice. At the time my google-fu wasn't convining enough for me to write chapters in a country I'd never been to. . . .
When I was a kid and whenever my
mother would save up enough money for us to visit Lithuania my
grandmother would steal me away and we would drive for a while, till we
were away from the city and churches to where the forest started. She always
took me there when she thought I was losing perspective.
We would take our time following the
cobblestone path till we reached a clearing that I never understood until I was
older and she would tell me a story, her least favorite story but she wanted to
make sure I knew it and never forgot it.
Now she is in her seventies and
doesn’t drive much anymore, so when I have a little time to myself and drive to
the clearing by myself.
I was losing perspective.
Fast
+3+
This entire chapter is a bit of filler and fluff but I’ll leave it in.
Severine found a million and one reasons why she couldn’t be seen in Atlantic city, most of which were pretty good but when I assured her it would give us (more) bonding time and that Adam would be there, she agreed.
I spent the rest of the week looking at apartments in Astoria, Chinatown and The East Village only to realize that I would never find the same amount of space we had in Brooklyn for a good price.
Tomas called me a once he was settled in, I said hello to his grandparents but they spoke very little English they seemed nice, though. I told him about the apartments I had looked at but he didn’t seem interested.
Needless to say Friday afternoon didn’t come fast enough. Severine and I were standing outside of her building, her with her two Louis Vuitton suitcases me using a 40 dollar bag I got off the street.
When a taxi pulls up Adam steps out with Julia at his heels, Robert stays in the car.
“Hi!”, she said with a hug, it seemed like she did everything with a hug.
Adam started to get our bags but Severine motioned for the doorman to do it.
“You should have gotten a bigger car”, Severine said
“Thank you for inviting us, Julia and Severine, It’s only taking us to the bus”, I told her.
“Bus?”, Severine looked puzzled as I explained the 10 dollar bus to Atlantic City.
After ten minutes of arguing and Julia reassuring her (with the meter running) she gave in, as always.
“I almost forgot my phone”, I tell the group while looking through my purse.
I run up to the apartment and look through my book bag for the bottle of valium. It’s still full but I place a few pills in a midol container. When I get back to the car I take a seat next to Severine.
“I’m guessing what happens in Atlantic City stays in Atlantic City?”, she whispers
Yes
Guys Guys. I ‘ll admit while I find Julia and Robert and this whole vacay super cheesy it was WORSE. When I originally wrote this is was Adam and his friend Ahmed who were going on vacation with Sev and Sof. They drive down in a van and at one point
*sigh*
They (Adam and Ahmed) say the words “Atlantic City, baby” in unison.
Adam lost cool points and his friend was replaced.
+4+
When the bus stops for a break, I’m the first one up. I hated making cell phone calls in closed quarters. Adam is still asleep in the seat next to me so I gently move his head from my shoulder and find a private place to return my calls.
The phone rings a few times and just before I hang up, it picks up.
“Darling?”
Note Tomas isn’t calling her by her name as much.
“Yes”
“I was just calling to see if you are going to church tomorrow, I know it’s
been a while”
I remember that he is 10 hours ahead of me and it’s probably 3 Saturday morning.
“No, I have something to do”
“Okay. Well. . .I think I’m going to stay a few more days than I planned”
“What about the Studio ?”, I wasn’t sure what a few more days actually meant, “you can’t make money if you’re not here”
“I know, but I really want to stay for my Grandmother’s Birthday. I’m her only grandson and I already traded the ticket”
Could he not have called me before he traded the ticket.
“What about your medicine ?”
“I can get it here and if you find and apartment that you like you can fill out the paperwork”, like that was supposed to make up for staying, “I have to go”
“Good-bye”
“Viso gero”
And he never speaks Lithuanian again. Wait that is not true. You know I just had a thought if I could redo this enture chapter I would probably do it it a la On Higher Ground and have it written in letters, text and e-mails.
When I get back on the bus I spend the rest of the trip with Severine staring at me.
+5+
“So what the status quo”, Serverine glanced at me over her over-sized shades.
“What do you mean”
I leaned against my luggage taking a look at everything in the lounge of the Bally’s hotel lounge except for Severine.
“I mean Adam knows you’re married and as you make it clear so do you, So what’s this, I mean inviting you on a trip.”
“I told you we are just friends”
“Sofia, you and I are friends”
“What does that mean?”
In her overdramatic fashion Severine just walks away, I’m assuming to fix her make-up.
Although I knew exactly what that meant, but this 2 day excursion was about me having fun, acting like a normal 20-year old girl for once.
“Sofia ?”, I realized Adam was waving a room key in my face
“Sorry. Thanks”, I took the key to the room Severine and I would be sharing.
Adam, Julia and Roberts would be staying in a suite a few doors down the hall.
“So, here is the plan”, started Adam, “First we win back our bus fare. Tour the casinos and spend the rest of the night visiting some local musicians, we can leave tomorrow as a blank slate”
“Robert and I are going to hit our usual spots” added Julia putting her arm around a stoic Robert. They came to Atlantic City almost every weekend, “We can meet up later”
“Hmm, change of plans”, interjected Severine, “Sofia and I are going shopping out for a late lunch and we will meet you guys later”
“Severine”, I said, “I don’t want to leave Adam alone”
“No, its fine”, he said, “I can hangout with my brother, it’s okay.”
Severine seemed to agree as she led me back towards the elevator.
Our room is a standard on the 6th floor, Severine waste no time changing outfits and checking her purse for credit cards.
“Severine we shop all the time in New Yo-“
“Shh. Absence makes the heart grow founder”
I roll my eyes but once she is in her flats we walk towards the boardwalk and to where are the shops including a luxury mall. I text Adam to let him know were we are and we set a time to meet later.
Without even looking at the directory, Severine finds a Betsy Johnson and is at the beck and call of every sales girl there in seconds. I walk around the store while she is in the fitting room when I get a text.
Behind You
I turn around and see Adam sitting at the fountain. Looking back at the dressing room I quietly sneak away, without Severine noticing.
Blah,
Blah, Blah. This chapter dull. Anyway they are about to do that whole
gong to the beach for the first time thing. . . so yeah. This kind of makes sense but in Lost Angels they are at the beach. But you don't come here for the continuity.
“I’m here to rescue you”, he says
“And what makes you think I need
rescuing?”
“Well, then I’ll just go-”
“Wait”, I follow after him, “I was
joking”
“You want to go take a stroll on the
boardwalk ?”
“Sure”
March is only a few days a way but
it doesn’t feel like spring just yet. A few people are still braving bathing
suits and swimming in the water. Severine said Atlantic City was a poor version
of Las Vegas but Nevada didn’t have the long blue shore and beach.
“Something wrong ?”, he asks
“No, I’ve just never seen the ocean
before”
“That’s right, Because you’re from
Colorado”, he remembers
“Yeah, I’d never left till I was 14.
I guess I never asked”
“Let’s get a closer look then”
We take off our shoes and step down
to the sand, it’s a little cold but nothing I couldn’t get used to. The closer
we got I could see how far the ocean spread, like it never ended. I roll
up my jeans so they don’t get wet and step into the cool water.
“Can you believe some people go
their entire lives without seeing this”, I ask him
“You almost did”, he says splashing
a little water on me
“Stop, you don’t know where that’s
been”
“It’s been all over the world, or
did you not take geography either”
He was making fun of the fact
that I had been home schooled most of my life.
“Well if it makes you feel better
I’ve never seen snow”, he says
“No, Really ?”
“No, I’ve lived in New York for 5
years. I was just trying to make you feel better”
“There has to be something you’ve
never seen or done”
“Well”, He pulls me closer so we are
facing each other, “I’ve never seen anyone so amazed by the ocean and there is
one thing I haven’t done yet. . .”
He seems to be searching my eyes for something, but honestly I’m just as confused as he is. I move a few strands of loose hair out of his face, trying to break his gaze. A whole ocean in front of us and we can’t look at anything except each other.
+6+
“I can’t believe you just left me in
their, I mean I had to ask the sales girl for a size 6 and she laughed at me”
We were joining Adam, Julia and
Robert to visit some local musicans that they wanted to meet. I know they had
made some amends to their usual plans because I was the only one who couldn’t
gamble.
Everything was close to where we
were staying so Severine convinced me to wear heels with my sundress which I
consciously covered with a long sleeve sweater. We walk down to a sea-theme bar
filled with tiki lights, nets and aquarims there is also an empty stage set up
with band equipment. Unlike the place in New York there is an assortment of
college students, young families and senior citizens.
“There are no old people in Vegas”, Whispers Severine as we find the table with Julia and Robert.
“Then why do they have handicapped parking?” she ignores me
Oh, that’s kind of funny considering what happens at the end . . .
“Hey there”, greets Julia she has a giant colorful drink infront of her, “Adam is over there networking with the bands manager.”
“Not that he ever tried networking in college”, says Robert
“Oh, Hush”, Julia gives him a little swat
“I’m Sorry”
They kiss and make-up.
WHY ARE THESE TWO IN MY STORY ????? They are so cheesy.
“I’m going to get a drink”, Severine says
“She must feel like the fourth wheel going out with two couples”, says Julia watching Severine flirt with the bartender.
I start to correct her but decide not to since I wasn’t really sure what she meant. Of course she never asked me if I was married I wonder if she knew or not.
“You look nice”, says Adam joining us
“Thank you, you do too”
Severine makes it back in time for the show to start. The band is uniquely named “The Heartbreakers Club”. They did covers of Twist& Shout, Everlasting Love and finally Backstreet Boy’s Everybody in which they invited people to get up and dance.
Julia was the first one to get up, Robert joined her although he looked a little uncomfortable while dancing.
“Want to dance ?”, I ask Adam.
“I can’t”
“Good, Me neither”
We both risk looking completely ridiculous; Severine also joins in with one of the men that had been sitting next to us.
“My mom and I used to listen to this song all the time when I was 11”
“That’s a little odd”
“Why?”
“Nothing, it’s just when you were eleven I was almost 16.”
“Awww, Does that make you feel old ?”
“I just hope I can keep up with you”
“I’ll slow down for you”
After they finish everyone starts to applaud for the first time that night.
They call up another encore act this time letting their female drummer take the lead, this song I actually recognize.
It’s a slower song I start to move away but Adam puts his arm around my waist and pulls me closer. I take his hand and let him take the lead.
Take time to realize
That your warmth is crashing down on in
Take time to realize that I am on your side
Didn’t I, didn’t I tell you?
But I can’t spell it out for you
No, it’s never gonna be that simple
No, I can’t spell it out for you
He leans in close to my ear and whispers to me
“I lied to you before”, he confesses
“When ?’
“When I said you looked nice, you look heartbreaking beautiful”
If you just realize what I just
realized
Then we’d be perfect for each other and we’ll never find another
Just realize what I just realized
We’d never have to wonder if we missed out on each other now
Take time to realize, oh, oh, I’m on
your side
Didn’t I, didn’t I tell you?
Take time to realize, this all can pass you by
Didn’t I tell you?
“You’re going to regret saying that one day”, I'm going to regret you saying that one day
“While we are at it is there anything you want to say that you’re going to regret”
I think about it, even though I don’t really have to. It wasn’t like this was all going to disappear tomorrow
“I don’t ever want to regret anything”
It’s like we are on the beach again and we are both trying to figure out what comes next. Looking into his eyes is at most intimidating it’s like he’s holding something back
If you just realize what I just
realized
Then we’d be perfect for each other and we’ll never find another
Just realize what I just realized
We’d never have to wonder if we missed out on each other
“I’m sorry”, I start apologizing again
“For what?”
After a while he gets what I’m apologizing for and there is no “it’s okay”, this time because it’s not going to be but for right now it was one of those unique perfect moments in my life and I wasn’t looking beyond it.
Forgive me for I have sinned. I used song lyrics not once but twice.
+7+
The next morning came and went in a
blur, I was still stuck on last night. Somewhere along the way Severine and I
agreed to go shopping with Julia. Severine seemed to pick up on wandering mind
but didn’t press me to talk.
While Julia is buying fudge from the
boardwalk for the students in her class, Severine sits me down on the beach to
talk.
“What’s with you ?”, she ask
“Nothing, I’m just lost in my head”
“No you’re not, you’re confused”
“No I’m not”, Yes I am
“Look, I’m like your older sister
and as such I am ordering you to get your life together”
“Sever-“
“All I’m saying is get a job start
making your own money, find an apartment do what makes you happy and see what
or who you need to complete that”
I felt like I needed to be the one
telling Severine to get her life together, and not depend so much on Angeline’s
money to live her fairytale life, but I knew it wasn’t my place. But she sure
did make sense.
“There you guys are !”, Julia joins
us with her tote bag filled with souvinwers
“Hey, Julia”, Starts Severine, “tell
us what is with you and Robert.”
“There’s not much to say, I guess I
consider myself one of the lucky ones”
“Any advice for a single girl ?”
Severine looks at me when she says it
“Um, I don’t know it’s different for
everyone. That’s what I tell Adam. We just weren’t put on this planet to be
alone”
“Let’s go buy some taffy”, I suggest
trying to change the subject.
God this chapter just keeps going
+8+
I mean thrice I used song lyrics. THRICE
We spend out last night in Atlantic City on the beach, I’m surprised to see Adam has his guitar with him.
“What’s this for?”, I ask. I
thought he was on vacation.
“Let’s just say casinos hate me”, he
looks over to where Julia and Robert are snuggled together in the sand, “Are
you guys ready?”
“Ready for what?”, I ask
He just stands up and starts
shouting to the group of people, make that strangers, on the beach.
“Hey everybody, who’s ready for some
entertainment. I think you all know the words”, he starts to tune his guitar
and a few people start whispering to each other.
He starts playing an up beat tune;
and surpisingly people seem to be getting into it.
Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put 'em in quotations
A few people join in with the
chorus, Julia being the loudest. Other people just get up and dance.
Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead,
If you could only . . .
This time a few more people join in,
some start leaving a few dollars and quarters in his open guitar case.
Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again
Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open
When he is finished he has earned 38
dollars, but I doubt he was doing it for the money.
“Can you believe he got accepted
into Oxford”, Robert chides him adding an extra dollar to his case.
“He’s just jealous because they
rejected him”, whispered Adam.
“I should start packing”, I
interject
“Wait, can we talk”, he ask me
The others head back to hotel and we
head back down to the beach, it’s much colder than it was this afternoon.
“What is it?”, I ask
“There’s a reason I choose that
song”
“Wh-“
Before I can finish he pulls me into
a kiss. I lose the ability to fight him and pull him closer, my hands resting
on the side of his face and up to his hair, I can feel a strand get caught in
my ring.
Shit
I pull away
“I can’t do this”
“Wait”
I don’t even stick around to hear
his answer. It’s just like what I said when he first called me. I’m good at
rejecting people.
II
+1+
So,
Adam almost kissed Sofia and she freaks out. She and Sev ditch the AC ASAP
Severine and I pay extra for an earlier bus, she knows something is up but I just tell her I want to get back to the city.
I had gotten away from myself. I was irrational and it wasn’t until we got back to her apartment that I realize Severine is exactly who I want to talk to.
“Severine”, I start, “can I ask you something”
“Sure”, she looks through her mail
I consider how awkward this could be but decide to go on.
“What was it like when you kissed Tomas”
She looks a little guilty maybe even a little off guard and possible blushing
“I don’t really remember”, she lies
“I’m not mad”, I couldn’t be now
“I don’t know I had been drinking and he was pretty good looking, that was it.”
Oh, so they do bring this up again.
“That’s not what I asked”
“I know but I’m telling you, it was just physical so if you’re asking me for advice.”
“I’m not”, I said quickly
I don’t know what I was looking for her to say.
“Look, I won’t make you tell me every detail about what happened, unless you want to, but seriously at the end of the week I’m going to ask you what you really want”
“Fine”
“Even though I think you already do know but aren’t ready to admit it”
I roll my eyes at her but she doesn’t notice.
I decide pick up Charleston from the kennel and give him the souvenir collar that I bought him, he seems a little disappointed to be going back to Severine’s but we won’t be there for long.
Taking Severine’s advice I head uptown towards Chelsea to revisit a studio apartment I had taken an interest in last week. The landlord didn’t like to work with brokers and he had been very open to the possibility of renting to me since it was hard to find teants in the spring.
It was above a few photography shops and a herbal store. It was much smaller than the other apartment and with a lot less privacy but it had new appliances and more importantly I liked it.
After letting Charleston explore a little bit, I called up the landlord and asked him if he was willing to work on Sunday.
He was.
We sat on the floor and I looked over everything reading it carefully, he was sympathetic to the fact that I was a student and Tomas had a pretty decent credit score, given he had started paying back the loans. I finished signing all the papers in an hour while Charleston snuggled up in my lap.
“Is that it I ask”, as he takes the last sheet.
Severine probably pulled some strings
“Almost”, he takes a set of keys off his key ring and hands them to me, “Welcome home Mrs. Alexander”
+2+
“My whole bedroom could fit in here”, said Severine as she watched me put the kitchen table together, “I mean the fact that there are no walls seems really primitive”
“Hey, I live here and it’s called a studio”, I remind her
Even though part of me regretted signing the lease once I got back to Severine’s the other day, I had to face the fact that I had gotten spoiled by living with her. I had at least done one thing on my own.
Sort of
“It’s just really tiny”, she says again.
I finish the table and shove it in the corner by the stove and sat back down on the fold out couch Severine had given me (apparently it was lying around in her basement with the tag on), since there wasn’t any room for a bed I sold it, along with anything else that wouldn’t fit for 400 dollars and bought a DVD player, digital camera and clothes other people hadn’t worn.
“I like it”, I told her and for only 1850 a month in Manhattan it was a deal.
“So have you called him?”, she asked
“I sent him an e-mail, it’s cheaper”
“I meant Adam”
I hadn’t and seeing as Severine and I spent more time together that apart she knew I hadn’t either. I wanted to, especially after running out on him like that. He hadn’t done anything wrong, it was all on me.
“I’ve been busy with school and trying to find a job”
“I can get you a job at the Angeline’s downtown, I mean you have expericnce—“
“I already applied to be an substitute teacher , I’ll see what comes of that”
We finish hanging up the clothes and putting groceries away and I consider everything official moved in.
“Well, I have to go”, says Severine, “it’s Martini Monday in the building Lounge and I’m going with the guy from 8C, he’s a law student and swears he’s a Kennedy. I would invite you but it’s residents only.”
“It’s okay I’ll see you tomorrow then”
I didn’t really have to say it seeing as I tried to see Severine everyday, I think she was a little lonely too, it always seemed like she was putting on an act when she was around her other friends.
Once she was gone I considered what to make for dinner, even though I had a full pantry I decide to get take out from a Thai place I had seen down the block. The neighborhood was filled with twenty-somethings and a nice place to walk around after dark.
There was no graffiti no random artistic expressions or PB bottles lining the streets. It was just Manhattan but I still never let my guard down.
After stopping by the ATM I realized how much I had spent in 2 weeks, I shouldn’t have let myself depend on Tomas for money and decide to open my own checking account this week too.
Even though it had only been three days I couldn’t stop thinking about Adam and making things right. As nice as his family had been to me, I at least owed him an explanation. I was driving myself insane thinking I would hear my phone ring, or walk by our Starbucks up town or even see think I see him sitting in the Thai restaurant.
Wait
He was sitting in the Thai restaurant.
“Adam”, he hadn’t seen me but this was just the chance I needed
He seemed surprised to see me and began nervously folding his menu.
“Hi, Sofia”
I sit down next to him but not to close.
“I-“
“Mr. Roberts !”, shouts the hostess handing Adam his food
“I should go”, he says, “it was nice seeing you”
“Please wait for me”, I tell him and pay with my card because it’s faster, he actually waits.
He holds the door open and I follow him.
“I’m sorry about before, I-“
“I know why you did it, I get it. But it’s killing me. I really like you”
“I know an-“
“You’re married, that’s all there is”
He hails a cab and he holds the door open and waits for me to get in, I don’t hesitate and instead of letting the cab driver hear our melodrama I wait until we pull up to his apartment before talking again.
His building looks a little older than mine, it was very traditional. He tosses a spring roll at the doorman before calling the elevator.
That
was kind of odd. Is that how he thinks we tip people in America ?
“This is nice”, I tell him even before I see his apartment
“My brother and I used to live her together till he got married”
It didn’t even occur to me that he might have a roommate but once we get to the apartment it’s obvious he doesn’t. It’s a two bedroom with a balcony that doesn’t overlook much but it’s still nice. Most of the living room is covered with an assortment of instruments from clarinets, a violin, an electric guitar and a grand piano. It could use a little cleaning but I like it.
“You live here by yourself?”
“Yeah my brother is helping me pay”
“Nice”
“You do see the problem here, don’t you”, he ask
“I think so”
“I’m trying to do the right thing here and stop this before someone gets hurt, but I’m so selfish that I still wanted you here.”
I figure its okay to sit on the couch because there is no way I can have this conversation standing up.
“My husband has AIDs”
“And you. .”
“No, I’m not but he’ doesn’t have much time left and our marriage is falling apart, I know that’s no excuse. I mean people work these things out I just want you to know what kind’ve person I am. I wouldn’t do just do this. . .”
“Do what exaclty?”
“ I don’t know, it’s just sometimes when I’m with you things are different, good different, Happy different”, I sound like a romantic comedy.
“Why do you stay if you’re not happy ?”
“I can’t just abandon him because we don’t get along, I’m the only family he has here…”
“And the drugs ?”
“I can’t expect to understand everything he does”, is all I can say.
“I don’t want to be the guy to ask you to leave your husband”
God that stung
Adam is getting some more points.
“I don’t want to talk about this, can we please talk about anything else.”
“Do you mind if I turn some music on it’s never this quiet in here”
“Sure”
It was his house not mine.
Instead of heading for the stero he puts a vinyl record on a record table, waiting for the needle to catch.
“What is this ?”, I ask as the piano solo starts.
“Donny Hathaway, he’s the reason I took up the piano”, he says.
“Do you play all these instruments”, I ask while opening my Curry, he hands me a fork from the counter. He had ordered Pad Thai along with crispy rolls, he offers me one but I decline.
“Well, I’ve tried playing all of them. Don’t have the heart to give them away”
We sit in silence, well not complete silence just enjoying each others company.
“Do you want to see a movie?”, I ask not completely sure what I’m doing.
“Why do I get the feeling you already have something in mind”
“It’s just I just finished reading The Other Boleyn Girl, and Severine isn't really intersted”
“eh, a Romantic movie”
“It’s historical-fiction, terribly distorted but still and it will remind you of England”
“If I needed to be reminded of England I could visit my brother but okay”
That starts our conversation about how I need to read modern literature and he needs to get an ipod, by the time it’s midnight I’d like to think we both made our amends with each other, it was unusually easy to be with him.
Oh, look at you Adam. I’m to GOOD for an ipod. He probably only has records.
When I get back home I give Charleston an extra treat since I was out so late, he seems pleased and falls back to sleep. By the time I’m ready for bed I realize that this is my first night in my new apartment.
+3+
“The costumes were pretty and just the writing was nice too”
“Maybe next time we can see something a little more exciting ?”, he begs
“Fine, since I dragged you to this one”
We had decided to see a late showing and since I didn’t have any morning classes he agreed to make us a late dinner. His apartment was cleaner than it had been the other day, he was trying to impress me.
“You eat seafood, right”, he ask
“Yep”
I sat at his piano and tapped at a few keys while he cooked what smelled like Salmon and balsamic vinegar. He had set out some plates that looked new and matching wine glasses.
“Fancy”, I commented, he smiled
“I didn’t think Thai food on my couch was to impressive”
“And I had to pay for it”, I remnind him.
We sit down for dinner and he tells me again about how he was booked for a month at a club in The Village.
“I have to ask”, I tell him while washing the dishes, “Are you a prince or something?”
“No, why?”
Oh, the commenters were asking
“I don’t know you have to ask. Good looking, charming. . .”
“Still thinking about that movie?”
“No, I just want to know if your parents run England”
“No, my dad’s an ambassador and my mum is a speech writer”
“Very political”
“Very rich too, I’m the black sheep of the family”, he admits
“I’m the black sheep in my family too”
“Why”
“Because I’m the only one alive”, I regretted it the moment I said it, “God, I don’t know where that came from. That was so inappropriate” I bury my face in my hands.
“You have to make jokes when things are hard”
We finish the dishes and watch a little TV until I get a text from Severine asking me what I’m doing tomorrow. I decide to respond later and get a look at the time.
“It’s 2 am”
“Oh, Shit”, I’d never head him curse before
“Charleston is going to be so mad”, even though I had left out enough food for him, he still gave me his mean cat-looks.
“Why don’t you stay here, for the night, I know you don’t like to be out to late”
I try not to think of the laundry room.
“If it’s not to much trouble”
He cleans up the second room for me; it smells very distinctly like his sweetly scented cologne.
“Do you sleep in here?”, I ask
“This is my room”, he tells me, “I don’t have a bed in the other room I’ll sleep on the couch.”
“Thank you”
I don’t get much sleep that night but wake up early enough to leave Adam a note telling him I’ll drop back by after school. I stop by my apartment fortunately Charleston is still sleeping and I clean it up a little bit, just in case. I couldn’t get over how impersonal my apartment seemed compared to Adam, it just wasn’t lived in yet.
+4+
“Do you think this is straight”, I look over my shoulder at Charleston staring at me from the floor. Standing on the tips of my toes I push the print up a few more inches, “how about here ?”
Once again I don’t expect him to answer, but our one sided conversation is interrupted by the buzzer. I reluctantly put the print down, to ring Severine in.
“Hey, Severine.”
“It’s me”
“Adam?”
“Yeah, do you mind if I come up”
I don’t answer but buzz him in; looking up from the buzzer I notice my reflection in the mirror. I had never felt so self conscious about how I looked and quickly put a little make up on and wait for him when the elevator arrives.
“Long way up”, he says
“I know but the view is nice”
Once I open the door I can already here the words coming out of his mouth
“It’s small”
“I know, so why did you stop by”
“I know you didn’t want to talk last night, I was hoping you’d be up to it today”
I wasn’t ready to talk and he seemed to be ready to procrastinate. He was studying the pictures on the shelves, there were only a few but valuable. One was my Mom and I on my 13th birthday, the going away party we had when Severine moved to California and one last one of the nurses and doctors from Petal Brook Medical.
“What’s this?”, he ask looking at the last one
“I was a sick child”, that sounded good, sympathetic.
“Anyway, I shouldn’t have kissed you it was inappropriate”
Oh, wait they kissed ? I tottaly glazed over that. Let me go back up. . . hmm maybe she is reffering to the kiss on the beach that I crossed out. Not importatnt
“I didn’t exactly stop you”, I was staying strangely calm., " I mean I didn't want to"
“It was just nice going to sleep knowing you were there, I think I’ve been living alone to long”
“I don’t know what to say”, I really didn’t. I didn't want him to live alone.
“Say you’ll come out to my show tonight and I’ll help you hang Jardin à Sainte-Adresse”
I looked back at the print lying on the couch surprised that he had recognized it but that wasn’t the only thing I noticed.
“Your French is... Amazing”
“Does that sway you into going out with me”
It does
It did
And, God, did I get drunk
+5+
I woke up the next morning in Adam’s apartment, more specifically in his bed the warm sweet scent hits me before I even open my eyes. I feel like my head is in the clouds and remember small bits from last night Adam signing an over-emotional yet touching song, Julia sans Robert doing her fainting fan act.
More Music
More dancing
More drinks
I roll over to check the time but my view is blocked by Adam sleeping next to me. Then I remembered something else.
I had kissed him, it wasn’t pretty. there was no rolling sea shore or starry night it was me and him pressed up against the wall of his apartment touching, kissing caressing every part of him not covered by clothesand I remember loving every minute of it, truly letting go.
“Sofia?”, I wonder if he knows I’m there
“Yes”, I don’t recognize my own voice
“I swear I’m not drunk but if you walk out that door”, he points at the closet, “ I will follow you”
I don’t have to be told twice.
Eh, my feeling about this are unsure. Also they didn’t sleep together. . . yet.
+6+
My apartment was separated into two sections, things I loved and things I hate. Jardin à Sainte-Adresse print, Charleston, photos, the kitchen and my starry night blanket I love. The couch, the wobbly table and the microwave I hated.
I thought about this while looking around Adam’s apartment, sure he could be the instruments in a nice window box or take the record player out of the kitchen but in Adams apartment there were things I liked, things I thought were cute and things I wanted to love
I adjust the tea cup on the coffee table infront of me, my eyes falsely focused on the television. It was weird being in Adam’s apartment when he wasn’t here, but he had gotten called away to fill in for another musician. I was expecting him to be back any minute but till then I liked having time on my own to think.
Adam, Adam, Adam is all that is on her mind.
“Sofia ? Are you here”
“Yeah”, time to stop thinking, “I made some tea.”
“Great, do you remember how you said I could pick the next show we saw”
“I do”
“Get this, my boss paid me in tickets for Spamelot”
“Monty Python ?”
“Come on it’s about England, you love that and it’s Broadway and if you don’t come I”ll have to take my brother and he has no sense of humor”
“Only if I get dinner too”
“Deal . . . so are you staying the night?”, he looks hopeful.
“Yeah I still have to type this paper”, I had been using his computer to finish school work.
“Need some help?”
“Only if you want to”
He does of course, but half way through the outline he falls asleep and I finish it myself at 6 in the morning. I decide to sneak out of the apartment to get some bagels and coffee when my phone rings and I know its Severine ready to ask me how my week is.
“Yes”
It’s not Severine but in a way it is.
Cause Severine told her she had to make a choice
“Sofeyte, I’m at the airport, can you come down I need to talk to you”
Dun, Dun , Dun . . . sort of ?