http://lindaleighblog.blogspot.com/2009/09/little-overview.html
I
So, Spirits and Lost Angels (not S&A) pulled a lot from my RL. S&A on the other hand is merely an extension of the characters. I figured that an urban setting would give the story a modern twist. I've always wanted to live in the city, though not the way Tomfia do it. I was just so curious to see what these two get up to .
Thump. Thump.
What the hell?
I forced myself out of a deep sleep squinting at the alarm clock.
It’s 3 am.
“Mmmm, yeah baby, right there, just like that....don’t stop, don’t stop!”
Oh, yeah. This story starts with a bang. I was trying to be shocking.
I regret this.
God, no
I Immediately look next to me to see if Sofia is awake and it appears she has never gone to sleep. My work laptop is attached to her lap with one arm cuddling her cat, Charleston, while completely absorbed in the screen.
“Don’t you hear that?”, I ask
“Oh, that yeah”, she doesn’t even look up from the screen but releases her hold on Charleston who luckily gets to sleep wherever he wants.
“We’re in Brooklyn, who the fuck gets fucked in Brooklyn on Tuesday night ?
“Actually, it’s Wednesday. . .morning”, she corrects me never taking her eyes from the screen.
I shut the top of the computer missing her fingers by inches. I know what she’s doing and she has done it every night since we moved in. After weeks of living on my friend’s couches and me getting my shit together, we found the perfect (reasonably priced) one bedroom loft in Williamsburg.
Even though we hadn’t moved in long ago the place was immaculate. I had never been one to see cleaning as women’s work but, God, this woman could clean. I could still smell the sting of Clorox from this morning.
Look their relationship is almost healthy. This all sounds so good !
“Try get some sleep, Sofie”, I take the computer from her and put it under my side of the bed. I can’t stand the thought of those AIDS supports group websites, I don’t know what knowing every little thing will do for her—us—it’s not going to change anything. I swear I’ve seen her read the end of a book first, know the ending, less fear of the journey.
Kind of like we are doing now.
She lays down facing me but still keeping her distance, Her pretty brown eyes staring back at me, she inches a little closer and brings her mouth to mine for a less than innocent kiss, she deepens the kiss moving so she is straddling my waist, I’m careful not to touch her.
Hmm, are her eyes green at some point ? Yep they are green in FS3. Well they are brown.
“Okay, stop”, I can’t believe I’m pulling my beautiful wife off me but I don’t need this right now.
I get it, you’re not afraid of me
“Why”, now I’ve made her feel bad, I know she’s trying to help but it’s too much sometimes.
“It’s my tattoo”, I lie referring to work I had done on my arm and back by a college student, his only saving grace was that I designed it myself and am right-handed and not double jointed.
No sooner does her head hit the pillow is she asleep.
My eyes adjust to the dark and I can make out piles of laundry, art supplies and stacks of paperwork.
Paperwork
I spent months in New York working as a model, going through the motions really, just to make money. I’d cashed in and started renting studio space before making amends with Sofia. I didn’t have time to hold back on what I wanted anymore even if it meant filling out more tax and loan forms than I understood.
La La La I’m ignoring part of that paragraph
The clock ticks to 3:04 am, the bright red numbers are partially blocked by a plastic champagne glass.
“Oh, shit”, I’d fallen asleep, “Sofia, did I fall asleep on you? I’m sorry”, I shake her a little
She opens her eyes and says something with her hand covering her mouth, I have to move her hand and ask her to repeat herself, she does this a lot.
“Its okay, Charleston stayed up with me”, she says falling instantly back to sleep.
“Happy Anniversary, my love”
I doubt she heard me
+++
Steady
Steady
I carefully balanced myself against the pole with one hand the other firmly placed around Sofia. I want to close my eyes and dose off for a few seconds but I can’t help but to watch. A sneeze here a cough there. Could these things really be the death of me?
I loosen my grip on her as when the train screeches to a halt. She takes my gloved hand when we reach the street, it’s the middle of December and there was a light snow last night. We reach our destination a few blocks down after stopping for a caffeine fix(her a black tea, me an energy drink); The space is small compared to most but the large back is what made it appeal to me the most.
How are my characters not drinking coffee ? I spent YEARS pretending to like coffee that I got addicted to it.
“What shall we do today”, I say to no one in particular while sliding the key in the door.
Sofia puts a fold out chair by the door and starts looking over her acceptance package to Hudson River University, She’s wearing a jean skirt that shows nowhere near enough of her legs, a white button up and sweater, light brown hair falling in soft curls around her face. She’s pretty, too pretty.
I swear HRU is not the college from Law and Order.
“Sofie”, I call to her from the other side of the room a cigarette itching to be lit in my fingers, “Sofia” she ignores me, “ I just want to give you a little pric-“
He wants to give her a tattoo cause Freud was right.
A tiny bell goes off followed by the click of red heels, fish net stocking and a short skirt followed by bright red lips and dark eyes that could have only walked out of a 50’s pin-up.
“Hey”, the girl smirks at me, “Should you really be smoking in here ?”
“No, but I am the owner”, I put the butt out in an ashtray, “Welcome to Alley-Roses, let’s see if we can find a tattoo for you.
Look at you Tomas living the American Dream !
+++
You know background is important but this whole ordeal is really unnecessary. Also I was doing some research on Classical music around this time (when I had no reason to yet) . So Adagio may or may not be a song featured somewhere else.
When
I was eleven years old I remember sitting in the principal’s office, ready to
defend myself and actually mean it. I hadn’t gotten into fights, fallen asleep
or stolen anything it had been a good day, yet there I was waiting.
My
mother rushed in in a complete panic taking the secretaries by surprise in her
sparkly shirt and big heels. She checked me for bruises and scolded me for
embarrassing her parenting skills and something about wasn’t it bad enough she
had to buy reduced lunch and participate in special programs.
She
somehow pulled herself together and we walked into face my punishment. Mr.
Adagio was in his office with my favorite teacher Ms. Penelope, my Art teacher.
“Ms.
Alexander”, Ms. Penelope got right to the point, “Tomas is a wonderful student
a little hyperactive but a very talented little artist and we think he would do
wonderfully in an Art School maybe one over in Petal Brooke?”
The
principal nodded in agreement, clearly proud that I hadn’t proven to be a complete
waste.
My
Mother smiled and in a sincere voice (with just a hint of her accent) said,
“Ma’am that’s wonderful, it really is but I’m a 28 year old single mother who
works hard enough to make barely make ends met (this would later become the
motto of my life), I understand love for the arts, I do. But I need my son to
go college and concentrate on a real education, but thank you.”
With
that she walked me out of school after dropping me from art class, but I had
heard them. I was talented.
I should have dropped out of school then because I don’t remember learning anything else from school, the day of graduation I skipped out and found my self an apprenticeship at River Dis. Tats & Piercing. ... Of course that was before the cancer.
Okay Tomas. You getting cancer was my fault but this whole HIV thing is on you.
Tomas : wait wasn’t working at Judson’s my first tatting job ? It’s not even mentioned in Lost Angels. If I was an apprentice and had skills why did I have all those other jobs.
LiLe : . . . you know why. Also It’s to early into this bottle of wine for you to start talking to me.
+++
“Alley-Rose ?”,says the Pin-Up girl, shifting slightly as the last bit of color pigmented her skin, “That’s a nice name”
“Yeah”, I agreed, knowing it implied explanation, “Rose is my mother’s first name, my last name is Alexander. . . Alex-Rose, Alley-rose”
That doesn’t make any F-ing sense
She smiles showing she understood
She is smiling cause she thinks you are cute.
“I think we’re just about done”, I said, “I think it’s a very pretty flower. . .Sofia ?”, I looked into the mirror to see if she was still there, she’s been quiet lately
“I still don’t see why you couldn’t use the print-out I bought in”, the Pin Up Girl says.
“sorry I only do originals. . . honey.”, it would be cold day in hell if I ever had to trace something again, “Sofia, can you get some solution from the back”
Hmm, Tomas has also become a hipster elitist. Also did he just call that girl “honey”. Well I’ll bring him down a peg.
She shakes her head ‘no’ and flips a page on her book
“Please Sofie, I’m in the middle of something . . . just close your eyes”
The Pin Up girl gives me a strange look but Sofia wonders into the back, I settle for turning up the radio. After 10 minutes she doesn’t come back.
“Fuck”, I mumble under my breath. I quickly ring the girl up and ask her to wait a minute.
There is a short hallway that leads to the back room that was once probably a garage. I had decided to use it for storage. I make my way past the boxes of ink, needles and to where Sophia is sitting on the floor right where I knew she would be; one hand on a pure white casket in the middle of the floor.
My casket
The lid is already outlined with a stylistic rendering of all the places I’ve worked, and my childhood home, bordered with array of honeysuckles. Her fingers are smudging a few blades of grass, but I can redo those later. It’s my Pièce de résistance, the last piece of artwork I will probably do.
The Last Peace, I called it.
“Sofie”, I help her up from the floor, she buries her head in my chest, not letting go of her I put the cover back on the casket, where it belongs for now, and sit her down in the hallway.
“Are you going to be okay”, I ask her knowing I set this whole thing in motion.
“Yes”, it’s good to hear her voice
I finish up with the girl in the front, deciding to leave Sofia alone for now. It’s that little reminder how little time I have left that makes the rest of the day seem grey. By the time night falls Sofia quietly helps me close up and taking my hand we head home
Okay LiLe you are from the North – Pacific stop using British Spellings.
+++
“Good luck will find its way to you”, I read the fortune over in my head again before tossing the slip of paper away.
“You find beauty in ordinary things, do not lose this ability”, Sofie stares intently at hers
“That’s nice”
Sofia agrees and picks back up her chopsticks, I know she wanted to cook but working late hours Chinese take-out would have to do for our 1st anniversary dinner.
All of this is happening on the same day.
“I like yours better”, she admits
“Sofie?”
“Yes”
“You know Christmas is coming up and I was thinking of going. . . home, I need to do some things. . . I know you don’t want to be here alone, so, maybe you could visit Angeline, in China is it ?”
“I don’t have a passport but, I mean, I guess I could see my Mom”
I try not to show how surprised I am. Sofia has only ever mentioned her mother to me twice; once to tell me her name and once to tell me she was in a mental institution, fuck I didn’t’ even know where she used to live.
Oh, the North – Pacific. . . I’m starting to think North Pacific isn’t a thing.
“I can get you a plane ticket—”
“I’ll miss you”, I hate it when she says that it always comes out of context with me
“It’s just a few days, Eric can watch Charleston. . .”
This guy Eric.
“There is something else isn’t there”, she’s picked up on the tension in my voice
“Yes”, I take her hand, “Sofie, when we get back I’m going to ask you to do something you’re not going to like but you have to promise me you’ll do it, please”
“I promise”, her voice is shaky but a promise is a promise, “I’m going to bed”
I give her a good-night kiss putting a little extra effort trying to get my tongue in her mouth.
“Oh my god”, she holds her hand to her mouth; I try not to laugh, “When did you get a tongue ring? Why?”
“3 days ago, and mostly because I could”
Wow, I made Tomas a bit of a douche. That’s okay I’ll get him back to his old self.
I can tell she’s is suppressing a laugh but it only takes seconds for her to get serious
“You have to get rid of it, you could get an infection . . .why don’t you think of these things, Tomas ? You can’t expect me to do everything.”
It’s probably the most words I’ve heard from her all week, but honestly, it was worth it.
II
Colorado
A round trip plane ticket cost more than I was willing to pay, but this was my present to her from me. The morning before her flight left we decided to make a day out of it and went every tourist trap New York City had to offer. I wished I was more of a romantic, I’m sure I could have thought of some sweeping gesture to maker her feel special, loved.
“Are you sure you want to do this”, I ask her for the 5th time today except now we are standing in front of the airport terminal and I know she can’t say no .
“Yes, um, I bought you a present and put it in your bag but don’t open it till Christmas, and just remember to take your meds, okay”
“Okay, I’ll call you”
“Good-bye”, She gives me a quick hug and head towards the gate.
I stick around till her plane takes off and head back to the studio keeping the sign flipped to ‘Closed’. Taking a deep breath I walk into the back and remove the tarp. With pencil in hand I start outlining the side not thinking about what it is but just how I have to complete it.
I don’t get home till hours later, which gives me just enough time to throw some clothes together and get to the bust station just seconds before it pulls out. It’s not till I notice the other passengers dressed in Christmas sweaters and carrying bright packages do I realize I should have bought gifts, I had the whole trip ahead of me to think about it.
The bus rolls into Petal Brooke at noon, leaving half the day still there to live. I decide to rent a car and drive around town a bit before reaching my destination, I’m tempted to drive by Sofia’s old apartment, but decide to get across the bridge.
Across the great dividing bridge
What’s that ? More side characters LiLe should have ignored.
I drive along a section of Honeysuckle St. that I haven’t been to for a while and pull over. There is still a little white house on the corner with a peculiar yellow awning, it’s perfect just the way I remember it.
I make my way up the path and knock on the door. I hear the sound of footsteps a small woman opens the door with curly blonde hair and bright sea green eyes.
“Emma”
“Tomas ?”
No sooner does my name leave her lips a young toddler runs into her arm, I can’t help but to smile.
“I came home, baby”
Okay,
I was trying to be misleading here. I try to be misleading alot. From now on I'm a straight shooter.
+++
Okay Emma is Tomas friend from high school. She was a teen mom. THE END
I
messed up in High School, as far as I was concerned I’d graduate for my mothers
sake and figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, I guess
being a teenager had made me jaded about becoming an artist. I shut up did the
work and occasionally came to class drunk, no one ever gave me a second look
until I met Emma Masen.
Emma
transferred to River High second semester and not only ended up in my math
class but on the first day joined me, sitting alone, in the back row.
“Are
you like a fucking genius or something ?”, were the first words she said to me.
She was probably commenting on my lack of school supplies. I glanced over at
her but found myself staring at her swollen belly.
“See
something you like?”, she asked preceding to take out her notebooks and colored
gel pens.
“Not
especially”, I said
She
passed me a sheet of paper and pencil and turned her attention back to cosigns
and tangents. I decided to ignore the weird pregnant girl but after class the
teacher asked me to take her to the lunch room, I think I only did it because
she followed me and I felt sorry for her.
“You
should have lunch with me”, she said finding a table that she liked
I
had to admit she was pretty cute. Curly blonde hair that was dyed pink on the
end, her eyes sparkled a little when she blinked. I sat across from her and
started working on a sketch of the school, on fire.
“So,
do I know him?” I asked not looking up, “The guy who . . .”
“Probably
not”, was all she said, “He’s not really in the picture
“Oh
. . . it’s not one of those he’s your father or teacher kind’ve deals”
“Jesus
Christ, so what if it was?”
I
shook my head and went back to my sketch
“My
mom had me when she was young by herself, it sucks by the way”, I hadn’t known
were that came from, I guess I was bitter.
“Hey,
can you draw butterflies?”
I
decided to end the conversation there and drew some butterflies for her when
lunch was over she took the page wishing me a good weekend.
On
Monday Emma found me walking into school she was beaming and I had to slow down
a bit so she could keep up.
“I
have something to show you!” she flipped her wrist over and there was one of my
butterflies tattooed on her arm.
“Shit,
that’s amazing”, I rubbed at her wrist,”How did you do that”
“My
brother—who is also not the father—bought a tattoo machine off line”
“He
found a tattoo machine on line ?”
She
nodded and before we reached the steps of the school I offered to carry her
books for her, but I was still reeling over my art being on someone,
permanently. Hell, it made me feel immortal. Of course it also made me happy,
she made me happy.
Emma
spent most of her free time at home with either at her Mom’s house or her Dad’s
house (across town) or going to the hospital I was always glad to keep
her company, at home that is, I hated hospitals.
“So”,
I’d said on Saturday evening while burning my fingers with matchsticks (this
was when I started smoking), “You’ve been missing school lately”
“Oh,
please”, she said patting her stomach, “I’m about to pop what’s your excuse”
“I
don’t know, everyone thinks I’m going to all Columbine and shit on the school”
“They
do not”, she lied so well, “But you know what they do think”
I
ignored her and finally lit my cigarette taking a slow drag.
“I
want to learn how to do that”, I finally said
“What
? get a girl pregnant because first you have to—“
“No”,
I said pointing to her tattoo
“I’m
sure my brother can teach you, or whatever”
“Yeah,
I could spend more time with you”
“I’d
like that”
I
put out my cigarette in the dirt, and wanted to find some way to hold how
to hold onto that moment before it went away, before I had to go home or to
school; I kissed her; she didn’t seemed surprised but more like she was
waiting.
I didn’t really know WHERE this story was going so in hindsight I wouldn’t have included this bit.
+++
Tomas visits Emma at her home and invites her to his “funeral”. This could have all happened off page. She could have just showed up and been introduced. I’ll leave this in here but feel free to skip
4 years later and she was still wearing that sparkly eye shadow, not missing beat she invites me in.
“Wow, I haven’t seen you since. . .”
“Yeah”, I said not quite ready to hear it again.
“What’s it been like a year?” she motions for me to sit on the couch.
“Give or take”
She hands me a mug and it takes me a while to adjust to the coffee and the way she is smiling at me.
“So, I’ve been hearing things”, she says teasingly while watching Danny play in the next room.
“Okay, tell me what you know and I’ll tell you what’s true”
“Alright, well first that you went to prison and that you talked some rich girl into marrying you, oh, you look great by the way. I’d almost forgotten what you looked like with hair”
“All true, but in addition to all that I moved to New York-“
“Oh, wow so Tomas Alexander actually lost his V-card”
“Not exactly”, I really should have just lied
“Okay, has a girl even seen your dick since I gave you a blow jo-“
“Christ, your son is right there”
She laughed and now that she was in a good mood I decided it was time I got to the point .I put the mug down and tried to think of the best way to get the root of the conversation. I decided to start with the facts. I told her how I’d moved and started using more and even the detail of being told I should be tested from the guy I was buying from something I realized hadn’t told Sofia.
When it came to the end and why I was here I realized how easy it was to talk about it, how easy it was to say.
I have AIDS
I have 2 Years to live
If I’m lucky
She stayed quiet during the entire thing and I could have hugged her for not crying. I couldn’t take anymore tears. I didn’t want to ask to much of her but she agreed to let me stay with her during my visit.
I tried to be a helpful guest but I felt it was best to keep my distance. I slept comfortably on the couch that night and before I knew it I was drowning.
I was standing by the river bank alone. The water looked so peaceful so clean; I stepped closer until I could feel the warm water at my feet, but I couldn’t stop there. I kept walking; not even holding my breath as the water engulfed me.
Then I was in control again, I reached for the surface but something was pulling me down, I took one deep breath of water and woke up on Emma’s couch. My body was covered in a thin layer of sweat, it felt like a million fucking degrees.
I throw my coat on and go outside for a quick smoke, the cold air cools me back down and I try to find sleep again.
Wow Tomas you guys must be so close. I mean you went through a lot of stuff in Spirits, where was Emma ? I’m joking. . . kind of. But at least I worked Starbucks in there.
+++
This is really unnecessary. I was like Tomas has a backstory so Sof should have one too. Except Sof already has one it’s called Lost Angels. So you know what that means !
I
had spent Christmas Eve at my mother’s last year, it was nice except for the
part where I was dragged away and arrested by the police. This year had to be
different. I left Emma’s house early and started my Christmas shopping. I
decided to humor myself and see what was popular at Angeline’s department
store.
I
ended up buying my Mom one of those birthstone-family necklaces with an
emerald, she loved stuff like that. By the time I got back to Emma’s she and
Danny were making grilled cheese sandwiches or lunch, I felt like I was
intruding.
“Are
you hungry ?”, she asked, “You can watch Danny and I’ll get you a sandwich”
“Sure”,
I said dropping my bag and taking a seat by the high chair., “Hey, Danny. . .
you probably don’t remember me but your mom and I were best friends”
I
take my cell phone out of my pocket and realize it’s down to the last bar and
decide to turn it off
+++
Ugh, Tomas you and your backstory
just keep going. We don't need details on stuff that happened BEFORE Lost Angels
I
was 19 and for what wouldn’t be the first time being told by doctors that I was
going to die. It was exactly how people always described it, I had gone in for
a check and they found something, I had leukemia and to me that was a big scary
word but I guess I’d later learn that even small words can be scary.
My
mother took me down to the closest church she could find and sought out the
pastor, we stayed in his office and prayed for hours. After 24 hours to get
used to the idea I went to tell Emma.
She
was never religious type, she didn’t make some speech about “fighting this” she
didn’t cry she was just there and I had forgotten about that.
+++
Later
that night after Emma had put Danny to bed she joined me in the living room,
with that dead man walking look I was getting accustomed to.
“This
really isn’t fair”, she said taking a bite out of Santa’s cookies, “coming back
into my life to tell me your’re going to leave”
“I
know, but I have very few good friends and it’s important to have those. . .
apparently”, I gave up on trying to quote some dealing with death brochure.
“So,
if my mom, God rest her soul, wouldn’t have been so overbearing would you have
helped me raise Danny?”
“I
don’t know, I mean I’ve always wanted to be a father a part of me still does. .
. I guess knowing what I know now, maybe.”
“You’d
be a terrible father”, she says
“Thanks”
“No,
I mean you can barley take care of yourself sometimes, do you really think you
can manage someone else ?”
Our
conversation lulls from their after a while we both decide to wait up for Santa
and as expected we fall asleep.
+++
The next morning I realize I’m about to give my mother the worst Christmas possible but I have to be back in New York by tomorrow. I walk to my mom’s house, the lawn has been neatly mowed and a pair of poinsettias are at the entry way, she loves Christmas.
I knock on the door, a guy in his late twenties answers, he’s most likely a new boarder and from his lack of enthusiasm, Jewish
“Is Rose here ?”
“Who?”
Oh, Tomas’ mom’s name is Rose ? Well, I have always liked this name.
” Rose Alexander she’s lived here for 10 years”
“Sorry, Man”
I look around for any signs of my mother, but the yard is too clean the new furniture and carpet makes me think she moved. The guy swears he has no idea what I’m talking about and rented the house through a newspaper ad. I run back to Emmas house demanding answers from her, she also doesn’t know anything.
“Is she with him ?”, it’s my final conclusion.
“Your Dad ? I don’t know”
“Shit, what does she just want to be used as a punching bag ?”
“Do you want me to call ?”, she asks I nod my head she goes into the next room to make the phone call, Emma reemerges minutes later.
“First, your Dad said Merry Christmas and that he hasn’t seen her since you had your transplant.”
“He’s an atheist so that first part was him mocking me and second where the fuck is she ?”
I drive by all my mother’s favorite places that are open the nail salon, the restaurant she worked at no one knew when she had left.
I bought my mother necklace for Christmas
She gave me a slap in the face.
This is a Tomas/LiLe collaboration one-liner because he doesn’t directly say it. *high fives fictional character* *Drinks more wine* #IMightBeSingleAfterThis
Also Tomas' Mom is missing. REMEMBER THIS