Dear Angel
Nursing school was supposed to be a punishment. She later
heard Angeline tell Samuel (her new husband) that she thought it would teach
For the short time she knew him
She didn’t think of him a lot and she wondered if she was doing that on purpose. Maybe she was naive but a part of her was starting to miss him but she kept that on the inside.
“You’ve lost your mind, you know that”, said Christie the receptionist at River Med
“What ? I mean this is an up and coming area”, admitted
“Free from all that money? Girl you have no idea how easy you have it”
“Had it”, corrected
“Well”, said Christie, “It’s time for you to check out and go on with your crazy life”
She sighed, she actually enjoyed work and never knew what to do with herself on the weekend. Maybe she should rent a movie.
She checked out and made her way over to the garage. Sonny, the security guard was sleeping and surprise, surprise her car was on blocks.
+++
When the bus arrived she called Angeline to pick her up,
Angeline chewed her out for not taking a town car and she said she’d send one of
her personal assistants.
As it got closer to her stop she was careful to wait till the doors open but sirens in the distance sent the the riders in a hurry to get off the bus, on man knocked her down the stairs, he smelled of beer and other pharmaceuticals
He nails scratched the metal poles as she tripped over the step, she braced herself for the icy sidewalk but she never made contact..
“This time I caught you”
+++
He had his arms wrapped around her, and she was still getting over the fact that she hadn’t hit the sidewalk. His dark grey eyes looking down at her, she started to thank him bus kissed him instead.
“I missed you too”, Tomas said
She wanted to say she was sorry but other thoughts were going through her head. He hand was still tangled in his thick black hair.
“Where were you? I though you were---”
“Everything is fine”
“What about your father?”
"He's giving us a head start before calling immigration"
They found a empty place in the park to sit and talk, even though it was a relatively cool day neither one of them was in a rush to go to their perspective homes.
“We should talk about the giant elephant in the room.”
“Yes,” he agreed, “well--”
“I actually like being married to you”
“Uh, well you don’t really know me . . .”
She opened her book bag and pulled out her school binder with a few case work files in it.
“I found your medical records at
the hospital; I was really just doing my job and I kind of came across them . .
.your father abused you didn't he ?”, she questioned
He nodded and flipped through the pages.
“I don’t even remember any of this”
“Well, anyway the thing is this whole situation made Angeline so mad. . . because I did something stupid without consulting her”
“No offense,
“I don’t want to”, she said, “I don’t want you to get deported, I like having you around”
“I like you too”, he said , “but I have to get home”
He helped her up and they both walked back to the bus station
“You can come to my place”, he offered, “When my mother gets back from work she can drive you home”
She agreed, the last place she wanted to be was home alone. It was nice to have company it made the whole bus ride seem shorter. They kept each other warm on the long walk to his house. He lived on Honeysuckle lane in a modest one story house. The front yard was covered in toys and a woman and man in her late 40’s was sitting out front with a cooler full of beer.
“Afternoon, Katie”, said Tomas,
“Sofia this is Katie and
Katie and
“They seem friendly”, she said,
“They aren’t. Their oldest daughter Anna is in the back with her daughters and Willa”
“You seem to have a full house”
He agreed and opened the lock to a bedroom at the far end. It was modesty sized with two beds one had a glittery pink comforter and satin sheets. The other bed had dark covers and star pillows tossed on it
“I share a room with my mother”, he explained
“Angeline would kill me if she knew I was here.”
“She won’t find out, we’ll tell her we went to the city, or something”
He playfully pushed her onto the bed and kissed her, parting
her lips with his tongue.
She slapped him. Hard
“Shit!”, he yelled feeling the depressions in his face from her nails
“I’m sorry”, she said, “I---“
“I was to forward, I suppose you’re the first girl to ever make me feel this way”
“Horny?”
“God, no. not that you don’t -- it’s just—I don’t even get it”
She touched his face were she had slapped him and she hated herself for letting Allen slip into her mind. She wanted to say she was sorry, but she didn’t have to.
+++
“You have to take your shoes off”, she demanded
“
“Am I”
He sighed but she knew she would get her way. He unlaced his tattered Adidas and tossed them aside before lying in bed next to her.
“Can I have a kiss now?
She agreed but did so silently as to not awake Angeline who was sleeping down the hall.
Tomas’s worked late hours as a bar back which usually had him sleeping in alley ways untill his mother came to get him or more often till the 6 am bus started, but as the weather got colder sometimes if the house was quiet Sofia would let him stay with her.
“I want to do more than kiss you”, he confessed looking through some of her nursing books.
“I’m afraid”, she said and that was as honest as she could be.
He traced her lips with his finger, taking the red lipstick off her lips.
“Are you a virgin?”, he asked, “Is that why you’re scared ?”
She didn’t know the answer to the question, just because it wasn’t consensual didn’t mean it didn’t happen. She couldn’t imagine being with him would be any different.
“I’m not”, she finally decided, “there was this person--”
She never thought she would tell this story let alone how to form the words She didn’t say anything else but he tears couldn’t stop flowing and she wanted to tell him more and she wanted Tomas to kill Allen and save her from her nightmares.
“Just a person ?”, he asked
“He was a nurse or . . I couldn’t move or speak … I didn’t like it I didn't want to. ., it hurt so much”, she managed, “I couldn’t scream. . .”
Neither one of them was able to sleep after that confession. It seemed another elephant had creeped into the room.
“
“I know”, she whispered
+++
8
All of Tomas’s money went to his family but he cut back on cigarettes and art magazines to help her afford place of her own.
Tomas had just gotten off work and was helping
“I bought you something. . .” he said
“No, you shouldn’t be spending money on me”
He tried to move the frozen books from the table put the toppled to the ground. He ignored them and helped her on to the table.
“It’s in my pocket”, he said, not wanting to take his gloves
off, she reached in and pulled out a tiny silver ring, “Sofia,
“What are you doing ?”, she cut him off wondering if Angeline was watching, “we’re already married”
“That was a marriage of conscience, this is a marriage of love”, he explained, “At the end of the day I hate going home to feeling like I let this damn world get the best of me. I think everything would be just a bit better if I could come home to you”
They both shed their gloves while he put the ring on her
finger. Even though the snow was still falling,
+++
“I’m scared”, she said for the third time that day
She sat on the window seat almost as if she was afraid to come closer. She was looking at the cars passing by calculating the exact minute she could check out of the hotel start their life. He watched her from across the room wondering if this was going to be how the whole night went. The truth was that after today they would be dirt poor and homeless but they would have each other and that was supposed to be enough.
“I thought you wanted to be married”, he explained,” it’ll be over quickly”
Not as quick as telling Angeline that she wanted to marry Tomas or Miss. Alexander cursing her son to hell because he forgot to pay the rent and kicked him out. So far Tomas told Sofia she had to do one thing for him so they could be married in the eyes of his church was to consummate their marriage.
She had been apprehensive but Tom promised he would make it different.He picked her up and carried her over to the bed, opening the night stand he felt around took out a small plastic bag packed with white powder. Placing a small portion on his finger he places in under her nose
“Breathe”, he orders
“I shouldn’t”, she says, now that she was actually doing it scared her
“There’s a lot of things we shouldn’t do, this’ll make it easier”
She didn’t feel anything at first except the burning as it
went down up and in every direction and her nightgown being pulled from her body, his
warm mouth on her neck. Her skin is wet and salty. He kept his hands firm on her waist, touching and tasting her cautiously.
“Why are you crying,
“I’m sorry . . .I can’t”
Before he can respond she rolls out of bed and to the sink to splash some cold water on her face. She doesn’t even realize he’s standing behind her until he places his arms around her.
She looks at her reflection but is distracted by the man behind her.